Conspiracy
Brendan Carr's Sex Cult Had Twelve Steps And Free Decaf
By Tah Foil, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Brendan Carr, chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, was identified this week as a participant in what multiple social media accounts described as a Washington, D.C. sex trafficking cult, a characterization that prompted significant online circulation, at least two cable news chyrons, and one very long Reddit thread that has since been locked for "quality reasons."
The organization is Alcoholics Anonymous.
Specifically, it is a Washington, D.C. chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, which operates under a twelve-step framework developed in 1935 by two men who could not stop drinking. The group's stated goals include honesty, humility, service to others, and making direct amends to people one has harmed. It does not have a charismatic leader, a compound, or a doctrine. It has a secretary who sends reminder emails.
Former members confirmed that Carr attended the group. They also confirmed, to the apparent disappointment of several journalists, that he was not abusive, did not hold any formal position within the group, and was, by most accounts, just there.
"He came, he shared, he left," said one former member who asked not to be named because they are, technically, anonymous. "Sometimes he brought the donuts. The good kind, not the grocery store ones. I don't know what else to tell you."
The allegations originated from accounts describing Carr as a participant in a "cult structure" with "control dynamics" and a "confession ritual," language that sources familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous noted maps fairly precisely onto the fourth, fifth, and ninth steps of the standard recovery program, which are available in paperback at most Barnes and Noble locations for $9.99.
Car has not commented on the allegations beyond a statement from an FCC spokesperson describing the claims as "false and defamatory," which is the kind of statement that, in a more careful news environment, someone might have sought before publication.
The organization's national office declined to comment, citing its founding principle of anonymity, which it has maintained since 1935 and which poses a consistent challenge to people attempting to report on it as a sinister network.
Dr. Patricia Wenbourne, a cult expert and author of "The Architecture of Belief: How Groups Capture and Keep," told reporters that Alcoholics Anonymous does share several structural features with high-control groups, including regular meetings, shared language, sponsor relationships, and an expectation of honesty about personal failings.
"By that standard," Dr. Wenbourne said, "book clubs are also a concern."
The story has now completed what media analysts are calling its full lifecycle: allegation, amplification, correction, and the brief window in which the correction reaches approximately eleven percent of the people who saw the original post.
At press time, a follow-up thread alleging that the FCC chairman's sponsor is himself a member of a shadowy inner circle had accumulated 47,000 likes. The sponsor is a retired postal worker from Bethesda named Gerald.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.snopes.com/news/2026/09/24/fcc-brendan-carr-sex-cult/