BSN Network
Big Story Network. Satirical news on politics, culture and the generally absurd, published daily from the United States. Every story is invented for comic effect; none of it is real reporting, and each piece links to the real article it is making fun of.
Latest dispatches
- Venezuela Gets a New Deal, María Corina Machado Gets a Press Release Politics
The Trump administration is quietly advancing a political transition plan for Venezuela that sidelines María Corina Machado, the opposition leader who spent years being arrested, exiled, and...
- Finnish Film About a Squirrel Declared More Humane Than All of Outer Space Culture
Markus Lehmusruusu's futuristic drama 'The Squirrel' has been selected as Finland's official Oscar submission, and it arrives with an endorsement from Aki Kaurismäki, the country's most celebrated...
- Friedrich Merz Gets Character References From His Own Government To Prove He Runs It Politics
German Chancellor Friedrich Merz has secured the formal backing of sixteen state premiers, a move his office described as a show of strength and everyone else described as a man collecting written...
- Reality TV Producer Sees Pending Felony Charges, Offers Two-Season Deal Culture
Taylor Frankie Paul, who is currently navigating an active legal battle that includes charges serious enough to require an actual attorney, has been confirmed as returning to Hulu's 'The Secret...
- Italy Decides The Best Time To Redesign The Ballot Is When You Hold The Pen Politics
Italy's Senate passed Premier Giorgia Meloni's electoral reform bill this week, handing her coalition what political analysts are calling a major victory, and what everyone else is calling a rough...
- Brazil Supreme Court Cancels Meeting About Whether To Investigate Brazil Supreme Court Politics
Brazil's Supreme Court postponed a vote Tuesday on whether to open a formal investigation into one of its own sitting justices, Alexandre de Moraes, after an open hearing in which the justices...
- Music Critic Invokes Beatles Comparison, Refuses To Name The Committee That Approves These Culture
A major new documentary about Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders has received a rapturous review, with one critic declaring that the 1979 ballad 'Kid' is 'worthy of the Beatles,' a designation that...
- Zverev Wins Grand Slam Number Two, Complicating The Inspirational Montage Situation Considerably Culture
Alexander Zverev defeated Ben Shelton on Sunday to claim his second Grand Slam title, completing the kind of triumphant comeback arc that sports television exists to celebrate. There is, however,...
- Trump's Best Midterm Stump Speech Turns Out To Be For Democrats Politics
At a rally intended to boost Republican turnout, Donald Trump asked the crowd to pretend he was on the ballot, a request Democrats are now calling the most effective thing he has ever said on...
- Tom Llamas Reports Live From New York That New York Is Still There Politics
Twenty-five years after September 11, NBC Nightly News dispatched anchor Tom Llamas to lower Manhattan to confirm, on camera, that the attack had taken place and that the city had feelings about...
- ABC News Live Has Been Breaking The Same Story For Eleven Hours Politics
At approximately 7:14 AM Eastern, something happened, and ABC News Live has been treating it as an active emergency ever since. Anchors have described the situation as "fluid," "developing," and...
- Stockholm Suburb Asks Drug Gang To Register As Community Stakeholders Before Election Politics
In Hässelby Gård, a Stockholm suburb where gang members have openly sold narcotics in the town square for years, political analysts say the local drug trade has become the decisive election issue,...
- VICE Grants Three Emo Bands a Second Life While Quietly Needing One Itself Culture
VICE has published a listicle identifying three emo bands from the 2000s that, in VICE's considered editorial opinion, are now permitted to be culturally relevant again. The piece arrives with the...
- Man Who Posted the 9/11 Smile Clip Smiled At His Own Father's Funeral Conspiracy
A viral video purporting to show Zohran Mamdani and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez laughing disrespectfully at a September 11 memorial ceremony has now been viewed over four million times, with CNN...
- Anthropic CEO Warns AI Will Kill Everyone Then Asks Congress Not To Regulate Anthropic Conspiracy
Dario Amodei published a 15,000-word essay this week warning that artificial intelligence poses a civilizational extinction risk, which he described as the most important moment in human history....
- Man Who Paid For Kraft Massage Bans Macklemore For Insufficient Values Culture
Robert Kraft, the 83-year-old Patriots owner and noted ethics authority, confirmed this week that he personally barred rapper Macklemore from performing at Gillette Stadium during Ed Sheeran's...
- NASA Launches Program To Confirm Its Own Satellites Are Real Culture
The agency that put a man on the moon and a rover on Mars has announced a new initiative dedicated to verifying that its existing data is, in fact, data. The Commercial Smallsat Data Acquisition...
- Trisha Paytas At The Emmys Confirms Television Has No More Standards To Protect Culture
The 78th Emmy Awards red carpet welcomed the full spectrum of Hollywood achievement Monday night, from HBO drama The Pitt's record-threatening 25 nominations to Trisha Paytas, a woman who became...
- Coyote Wedged In Pittsburgh Wall Gets Faster City Response Than Any 311 Call Absurdity
A coyote that became lodged between two walls in a Pittsburgh alleyway on Tuesday was extracted by city wildlife officers in under six hours, setting what officials privately acknowledge may be a...
- Squirrel Attends Ohio State Game For Free, Still Needs Police Escort Out Absurdity
Columbus police responded to Ohio Stadium on Saturday after a squirrel wandered into the stands during an Ohio State game and became, according to official accounts, overwhelmed. Officers located...
- Kitten Rescued From I-95 Now Has A Home Making Her More Settled Than Most Florida Adults Absurdity
A five-week-old kitten found on the shoulder of a busy Florida highway last Tuesday has been adopted into a permanent home, completing a life trajectory that took less than 72 hours and required...
- Houthi Drones Costing Less Than A Tesla Keep Moving Oil Prices More Than OPEC Can Politics
A Saudi pipeline is offline after a drone strike traced back to Iran-backed Houthi rebels, sending energy markets into their second spiral this month and prompting the kind of emergency...
- Affordable Care Act Announces It Is No Longer Participating In Being Affordable Politics
Americans enrolled in the Affordable Care Act, employer plans, and Medicare will face significant premium increases in 2026, with some households absorbing hundreds of dollars in new monthly...
- Two Arsonists Hold Press Conference Urging Everyone To Be Careful With Fire Politics
Sam Altman and Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei publicly agreed this week that the global race to build increasingly powerful AI must be slowed, in a warning described by industry observers as both...
- US Foreign Policy So Bad Russia and Iran Are Leaving the Party Together Politics
At a weekend summit in New Delhi, leaders from Russia, Iran, and a rotating cast of countries the United States has sanctioned, bombed, or invoiced in the last calendar year gathered to sign a...
- VICE Publishes Exhaustive Guide To Pressing Play A Second Time Culture
VICE, the outlet that once embedded journalists in war zones, has this week turned its editorial resources toward the discovery that two albums can be listened to in a sequence. The piece, which...
- Labour Plans Law To Stop Rich People Funding Politics With Crypto But Not Other Money Politics
The UK government announced plans this week to close a loophole allowing cryptocurrency donations to political parties, after Reform UK received record-breaking contributions from two crypto...
- Millennials Quietly Purchasing Minivans After Years Of Calling Their Parents Embarrassing Politics
A generation that spent its formative years crouched in the third row of a Dodge Grand Caravan, swearing it would never come to this, has begun purchasing minivans at a rate that analysts are...
- New York Memorial Quietly Places Fresh Flowers On Dead People's Birthdays All Year Politics
Every year, on the birthday of each of the nearly 3,000 people killed in the September 11 attacks, a single white rose appears in the cut-out beside their name on the 9/11 Memorial in New York....
- Local Man Asks Church What The Prayers Of A Pretty Average Sinner Actually Availeth Absurdity
Panhandle, TX resident Josh Peterson, 34, says he has been a committed Christian for most of his adult life but recently hit a theological wall after rereading James 5:16 and realizing the verse...
- Congressman Named Bacon Announces He Would Love To Be President Politics
Rep. Don Bacon (R-Neb.) confirmed this week that he is seriously considering a 2028 presidential run, describing the prospect of leading the free world as something he would, quote, love. Bacon,...
- DeSantis Offers Florida Asylum To Juror Who Voted To Acquit A Woman Who Strangled Her Kids Politics
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced Friday that the state of Florida stands ready to offer sanctuary to the lone holdout juror in the Lindsay Clancy murder trial, a man currently subject to an...
- North Korea Fires Missiles To Protest Exercise About North Korea Firing Missiles Politics
One day after the United States, South Korea, and Japan wrapped up a trilateral military drill designed to practice responding to North Korean missile launches, North Korea launched missiles....
- Fighter Pilot Who Scrambled On 9/11 Now Runs The Entire Military And Has Some Thoughts Politics
Gen. Dan Caine, now chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, sat down this week to reflect on being a young fighter pilot mobilized on September 11, 2001, and confirmed, after careful consideration,...
- Beach Music Festival Cancelled Because the Beach Is Gone Culture
Ocean Way Festival, the debut coastal music event staged on the Santa Monica shoreline, has been cancelled after Hurricane Marie eroded enough of the beach that organizers could no longer locate a...
- Children's Bible Quietly Skips Over The Part Where Rahab Was A Prostitute Absurdity
Gary, Indiana father Liam Miles was reading The Beginner's Bible to his four-year-old son Tuesday evening when he noticed that Rahab, a woman the actual Bible describes in unambiguous professional...
- Amazon Delivery Plane Crashes and Still Arrives Faster Than Your Last Order Politics
An Amazon cargo plane overran the runway near Miami International Airport Monday, killing at least five people and scattering packages across a wide area south of the terminal. Investigators have...
- Pink Demands Macklemore Apologize For Having Opinions At A Concert Culture
Pop singer Pink found herself at the center of an online firestorm this week after reposting a call for rapper Macklemore to formally apologize for comments he made about Palestine from a concert...
- ECB Chief Shows Up To Campaign Rally And Wonders Why Everyone Thinks She Is Quitting Politics
Christine Lagarde attended a French presidential campaign rally in Normandy on Saturday, sparking immediate speculation that she plans to leave the European Central Bank before her term ends. The...
- Trump Flies To Ireland To Watch Golf At A Course He Already Owns Politics
President Trump touched down in Ireland Tuesday for what the White House described as a diplomatic visit, featuring talks with Taoiseach Micheál Martin and a scheduled appearance at the Irish...