Culture
Hunter Biden Meme Coin Wipes Out 80 Percent of Buyers While One Guy Makes a Million
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: Hunter Biden, a man who has spent the better part of a decade demonstrating that there is no situation he cannot make significantly worse, launched a personal meme coin this week and promptly delivered what analysts are calling a textbook rug pull to approximately eighty percent of its buyers, which is to say most of the people who trusted him with their money.
The coin, which experts at no credible institution endorsed, surged briefly on launch before collapsing with the kind of focused efficiency that Hunter Biden has historically reserved for other categories of poor decision-making. Four out of five investors saw their holdings reduced to the digital equivalent of a gas station receipt.
One trader, whose identity remains unknown and who appears to have had a very specific and very timely understanding of exactly when to exit, walked away with approximately one million dollars. Investigators have not identified the account. The Biden family has not identified the account. The account itself has not identified the account.
Cryptocurrency analyst Derek Foss, who describes himself on LinkedIn as a "Web3 value architect" and who has been wrong about nine consecutive tokens, called the launch "a classic asymmetric liquidity event with suboptimal retail outcomes." He then clarified, when pressed, that this meant most people got wiped out and one person got rich, which is what rug pull means, which is the phrase he was avoiding.
Retail investors who participated described their experience in terms that were vivid and heartfelt. "I thought it was different because it had his actual name on it," said one buyer who asked not to be identified, apparently under the impression that a celebrity attaching their name to a financial product represents a form of quality control. This is not how any of this works. This has never been how any of this works.
To be clear about the underlying news, because it is genuinely worth sitting with: Hunter Biden, son of a former president of the United States, launched a speculative cryptocurrency bearing his own name, it collapsed catastrophically within its first day of trading, and the primary beneficiary was a single anonymous account that has not been publicly connected to anyone. That is the sentence. Read it again if you need to.
The Biden camp did not issue a formal comment on the collapse, which is itself a communication strategy of sorts. The coin's promotional materials had described it as an opportunity to "be part of something real," a phrase that has now been added to the growing archive of meme coin copy that did not survive contact with the market.
Financial ethicist Dr. Pamela Osei, who teaches at a university that would prefer not to be mentioned in this article, noted that the situation raises serious questions about disclosure, insider trading, and the basic human capacity for shame. She added that none of those questions are likely to be answered in any forum that has subpoena power.
Seventy-eight percent of wallets that purchased the coin recorded a net loss. The coin currently trades at a price best described as theoretical.
The mystery account has not logged in since.
The story we are making fun of: https://nypost.com/2026/09/10/business/hunter-bidens-meme-coin-crushed-4-out-of-5-buyers-while-one-mystery-trader-raked-in-1m/