Culture
Culture articles from BSN Network. Satirical news, published daily.
- Teacher Serving 20 Years Is Now Represented by Her Former Students, Who Want Her Out
Three former pupils have returned to their old teacher's life with law degrees, matching briefcases and a motion to reopen, and the prison visiting room does not know where to look.
- Eminem Wrote A Song About Murdering Kim Then Married Her Twice
Marshall Mathers, the man who released an eight-minute track called "Kim" in which he fantasised in considerable audio detail about killing his wife, has married that same wife twice. VICE has...
- Kevin Sorbo Spends Saturday Refreshing His Own Wikipedia Page In A Bathrobe
Kevin Sorbo, the man who once body-slammed the Hydra in a muscle shirt and made it look like cardio, sat down to share his weekend routine with us, and it turns out the life of a Hollywood outlaw...
- Netflix Used AI on 300 Films and Wants You to Know It Really Values the Human Touch
At the Busan International Film Festival, Netflix revealed it has deployed artificial intelligence in some capacity on roughly 300 of its titles. On the same panel, director Kang Yoon-sung...
- Wim Wenders Joins Fashion Documentary As The Man Who Agreed To Just Watch
Wim Wenders, director of 'Wings of Desire' and three decades of visually transcendent cinema, has signed on to a new feature documentary about photographer Peter Lindbergh in the role of executive...
- Scooby-Doo Earned $275 Million Worldwide and Matthew Lillard Had To Sell His House
Matthew Lillard, who played Shaggy in the 2002 live-action 'Scooby-Doo' films, has revealed that after the sequel flopped he sold his house, downsized his family's life, and spent several years...
- Pete Hegseth Calls Livestreaming a Firing Squad Execution a No Brainer
The Pentagon announced this week that the public will be able to watch the firing squad execution of Nidal Hasan, the Army psychiatrist who killed 13 people at Fort Hood in 2009, via a...
- Man Runs College For Half A Century, Undone By Jeffrey Epstein's Contacts List
Leon Botstein, who served as president of Bard College for fifty years and conducted orchestras on three continents, stepped down from his remaining board roles this week after an email connecting...
- Space Station Finally Gets Solar Panels HOAs Won't Let You Have
SpaceX is scheduled to deliver the final set of International Space Station Roll-Out Solar Arrays to the ISS this week, completing an upgrade that required 35 separate cargo missions to pull off....
- Broncos Plan To Replace Offensive Coordinator With Wristband And A Prayer
The Denver Broncos offense has scored fewer than 20 points in three of their first four games, and team leadership has reportedly informed offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi that his continued...
- Joel Embiid Earns $47 Million A Year And Just Discovered Fiber
The Philadelphia 76ers center has granted his annual pre-season wellness profile, this time revealing a dramatic dietary overhaul that insiders are calling the most significant personnel move the...
- Trump Asks Iran To Take Out Los Angeles, Iran Asks If They Want Anything From San Diego Too
At a campaign rally in Nebraska, President Donald Trump suggested Iran should 'take out' Los Angeles and San Diego, prompting California officials to respond with the level of fury typically...
- Mike Flanagan Is Desperate To Adapt The Dark Tower Which Already Exists As A Film Nobody Survived
Horror director Mike Flanagan has announced he is "desperate" to tackle a Dark Tower adaptation, apparently operating under the assumption that the 2017 Idris Elba version was a dream several...
- AI Cures Cancer in 2045 and Charges $47 for the McRib Today
Jon Stewart used the latest episode of The Daily Show to ask, with what television professionals call his 'bewildered dad' face, why no one in power seems interested in slowing down artificial...
- Prince William's Feelings Are Now Officially Managed By Piers Morgan
According to Piers Morgan, Prince William is currently "incandescent with anger" at Prince Harry, which raises the immediate question of how Piers Morgan knows what the future King of England...
- John Oliver Raised $3 Million For Charity Then Spent It On Russell Crowe's Jockstrap
Last Week Tonight host John Oliver confirmed this week that he has repurchased a jockstrap worn by Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man, originally donated to the last remaining Blockbuster Video in...
- Man Arrested Over Epstein Files Sues Police For Looking Through His Stuff
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, arrested earlier this year on suspicion of misconduct in public office following the release of the Jeffrey Epstein files, has launched legal action against Thames...
- Alexander Skarsgård Plays Mr. Charm So Well The Rolling Stones Are Now His Backing Band
The Rolling Stones released the video for 'Mr. Charm,' the lead single off their new album 'Foreign Tongues,' and by minute two, something had gone quietly, irreversibly wrong for Mick Jagger....
- Eminem, Whose Entire Career Is Going Too Far, Worried He Went Too Far
The rapper who once released a song threatening to lock his ex-wife in a car trunk has reportedly expressed private concern that a recent diss track may have crossed a line. Sources close to the...
- SNL Asks Who Can Save The Republican Party and Lands On Pete Hegseth With A Non-Alcoholic Beer
Saturday Night Live opened its October 3rd broadcast with a cold open in which two Republican strategists desperately auditioned celebrity validators for a party described internally as 'a brand...
- BAFTA Gives Tourette's Film Seven Nominations And Its Subject A Separate Enclosure
The British Academy of Film and Television Arts has resolved the ongoing fallout from February's N-word incident at its Film Awards by nominating the documentary seven times and relocating the man...
- Robert Kraft Spends $1.2 Billion On A Stadium And Gets Upstaged By Zach Bryan's Laundry
Last year, Patriots owner Robert Kraft personally banned rapper Macklemore from performing at Gillette Stadium after Macklemore made pro-Palestinian statements onstage, calling the venue a place...
- Brad Pitt Loses Top Billing In His Own Film To A Dog Named Uber
Brad Pitt's new drama 'Heart of the Beast' opened in theaters this week, co-starring a German Shepherd named Uber in what early audiences are describing as 'the more compelling performance.' Dog...
- University Of Memphis Grad Student Designing NASA Moon Docking Ports Still Paying $900 For A Studio
NASA's 2026 National Space Technology Graduate Research Opportunities program has selected twenty graduate students across the United States to solve the hardest unsolved problems in space...
- The Snowman Shirt That Got Kids Expelled Is Now Sold at Nordstrom
In 2005, school districts across America added a cartoon snowman to the same banned-items list as pocket knives, cigarettes, and whatever Tyler had in his backpack that one Tuesday. Twenty years...
- Cornell Will Expel You For Plagiarism But Mails You A Pamphlet For The Other Thing
A new USA Today analysis found that the vast majority of sexual misconduct complaints filed at Cornell University are never investigated, and only 13% result in an expulsion or dismissal....
- Outkast, Who Misspelled Their Own Name, Now Suing Someone Else For Misspelling Theirs
The legendary Atlanta duo has filed a trademark claim against rising rapper Ovrkast, arguing that one deliberately wrong vowel is theirs and one deliberately wrong vowel is theft. A Harvard Law...
- MTV Honors Nirvana For Destroying The Stage MTV Told Them Not To Touch
Thirty-four years after threatening to pull Nirvana's slot over a song they were forbidden to play, MTV will present the band with a formal award at the 2026 VMAs for the chaos that followed. The...
- Alexander Skarsgård Gets Better Reviews As A Basket Than As A Human
The Sundance sensation 'Wicker' has officially received its first major awards buzz, with critics calling Alexander Skarsgård's performance as a custom-woven fishing basket the most emotionally...
- Taylor Swift Announces Her Next Mystery Era Which Is Identical To Her Last Four Mystery Eras
Taylor Swift has concluded 'The Life of a Showgirl' era by releasing four bonus tracks and declining to say what comes next, a move her team is calling "deliberate artistic ambiguity" and that...
- Patricia Richardson Spent Eight Years Arguing Tim Taylor Should Face Consequences Then Faced Them Herself
Taran Noah Smith, child actor and surprise keeper of Home Improvement lore, has revealed that Patricia Richardson quietly fought for years to prevent the show from becoming pure slapstick chaos,...
- Daily Wire Releases Action Film, Then Follows You To Your Car To Explain It
Ben Shapiro sat down with Mark Levin on Sunday to deliver a full-throated defense of Run Hide Fight: Infidels, the Daily Wire's new action film that Shapiro himself produced. President Trump then...
- Breitbart Discovers Pope Leo Is a Culture War Columnist With a Better Hat
James Pinkerton of Breitbart News published a column this week crediting Pope Leo XIV with quietly dismantling the French revolutionary left through what Pinkerton described as 'deeply symbolic...
- Paramount Schedules $111 Billion Merger For October 5, Pencils It In
Paramount Global confirmed Friday that its landmark $111 billion merger with Warner Bros. Discovery is proceeding, sort of, kind of, per an SEC filing that used the phrase "not yet certain" to...
- Nobody Threatening To Torch Dolly Parton's Legacy Has Ever Written Jolene
Dolly Parton's manager Danny Nozell has filed for a restraining order against her nephew Bryan Seaver, citing alleged threats to destroy the country icon's brand partnerships following her death....
- Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Tim Cook Had Dinner With Their Boss
President Trump hosted Chinese President Xi Jinping at a state dinner Thursday, and the guest list reads less like a diplomatic event and more like a quarterly review between a very large employer...
- Trump Tells Press Xi Jinping Is Personally Very Knowledgeable About Granite
Following a tour of the White House helipad on Tuesday, President Trump held an impromptu press moment in which he informed reporters that Chinese President Xi Jinping has a sophisticated...
- Ryan Murphy Describes Lea Michele As Very Enthusiastic Which Is Terrifying
Ryan Murphy announced this week that a reboot of Glee is in development and that the original cast is, in his words, "very enthusiastic" about returning. This is either the most optimistic use of...
- Dr. Dre Hired Jay-Z To Remind Him Who Dr. Dre Was
In 1999, Dr. Dre, the man who invented West Coast cool, sat down to record his long-awaited comeback album and discovered he had absolutely no idea what to say about himself. So he called Jay-Z, a...
- Xbox Gives Halo To Activision The Way Parents Hand A Child To An Airline
Microsoft is reportedly moving the Halo franchise under Activision Blizzard as part of a wider Xbox reorganization, according to gaming insider NateTheHate. Activision, best known for its custody...
All articles Politics New York City Conspiracy Absurdity RSS