Politics
Iran Confirms It Has No Oil Money After Careful Review Of Having No Oil Money
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced Monday that Iran has no oil at sea and no oil revenue this week, a situation he described as a first in recorded history, which is a long time to go without trying this particular strategy.
Tehran's top security official, Ali Ahmadian, responded swiftly with a statement warning of a deepening economic crisis, which is one way to handle the announcement that you are out of money, and arguably not the most surprising way.
The sequence of events, for clarity: the United States said Iran has no revenue. Iran called a meeting. The meeting produced a document. The document said Iran has no revenue and this is very bad. The document was distributed to journalists.
Bessent, speaking to reporters, said the sanctions pressure had reached a level no administration had previously achieved, a framing that invites the question of what, exactly, the previous administrations thought they were doing for forty-five years.
"This is maximum pressure working as designed," Bessent said, from a building whose heating system has also been described as working as designed.
Iran's official position, as communicated through state media, is that the economic situation is serious, that the people are suffering, and that this is entirely the fault of the United States, which is technically consistent with everything Bessent said and also not a rebuttal of any of it.
Analysts noted that issuing a formal crisis warning is a significant step for a government that spent the better part of two decades describing its economy as resilient, diversified, and largely immune to Western pressure. One analyst described Tehran's statement as, quote, extremely helpful.
The warning did not include a proposed solution, a timeline for recovery, or a plan of any kind, which puts it roughly on par with most documents produced by governments in the middle of a crisis they did not expect to have to admit to.
A spokesperson for the Iranian mission to the United Nations said the sanctions constitute economic warfare and a violation of international norms. The spokesperson did not address the zero-revenue figure directly, which is its own kind of address.
Bessent is expected to provide an update next week. Iran is expected to issue another statement confirming it.
The oil is still at the bottom of the ground.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2026/10/04/bessent-says-iran-faces-zero-oil-revenue-thisweek-tehran-warns-economic-crisis/