Politics
Multimillion-Dollar Operation Launched To Protect New York Democrats From New York Democrats
By Sean Vanity, . BSN Network. Satire.
ALBANY, N.Y. -- Super PACs aligned with Governor Kathy Hochul are moving serious money into her 2026 re-election campaign, alarmed by the possibility that a Democratic primary electorate in the most Democratic state in the country might nominate a Democrat who believes the things Democrats say they believe.
The Republican in the race is Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman. He is running. He has a website. Nobody's PAC is losing sleep over Bruce Blakeman.
The donors are losing sleep over the left flank of Hochul's own party, which has spent the last several years watching her govern and concluding, not unreasonably, that they could do more of that.
"Governor Hochul has a proven record of delivering results for New Yorkers," said a statement from one of the aligned PACs, which is the sentence you write when you cannot say 'please don't replace her with someone who will try.' The statement ran 340 words and contained the phrase 'common-sense leadership' four times, which is how you spell 'do not frighten the donors' in press release.
Hochul herself has taken to describing the primary threat as 'radical,' a word that in Albany currently means 'wants to tax the people funding this ad.' It is a versatile term. It has been applied to rent control advocates, congestion pricing critics, and at least one state assemblywoman whose crime was showing up to a rally Hochul was not at.
A source close to the operation, who asked not to be named because they are paid not to be funny in public, confirmed that the internal modeling treats the general election as a formality and the Democratic primary as the actual problem. Blakeman, the Republican, is described in the same modeling as "a useful contrast," which is consultant for "thank God he exists."
Blakeman, for his part, issued a statement calling Hochul "beholden to special interests," which is accurate in the same way it is accurate to say a building is made of atoms.
New York has not elected a Republican governor since 2002. The Super PAC money is not about winning New York. It is about winning New York back from New York, which is a different and considerably more expensive project.
Blakeman is still in the race.
The story we are making fun of: https://nypost.com/2026/10/02/us-news/super-pacs-prop-up-hochul-re-election-aiming-for-big-win-that-will-fend-off-radical-dems/