Politics
Paraguay Decides Venezuela Was Fine Actually Now That Trump Is in the Room
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
ASUNCION, Paraguay, Santiago Peña, the president of Paraguay, flew to Caracas this week to meet with Venezuelan acting President Delcy Rodríguez, marking what his office described as "a historic new chapter in bilateral engagement" and what most calendars would describe as thirteen years too late to be anything other than suspicious.
The two countries severed diplomatic relations in 2023 after Paraguay refused to recognize the results of Venezuela's presidential election, which independent observers, regional governments, and most Venezuelans with internet access agreed was not a real election. That position has not technically changed. What has changed is that the United States, under the current administration, has begun paying close personal attention to which Latin American governments are on which side of which conversations, a development that apparently reorganizes a lot of previously firm convictions.
Rodríguez, who is serving as acting president while Nicolás Maduro remains the actual president in every practical sense except the one Peña previously cared about, welcomed her guest warmly and described the visit as "proof that dialogue, not division, is the future of our hemisphere." She said this in the same country where her government jailed opposition leaders, expelled international monitors, and declared its own election results before the votes were counted. The statement was distributed by the Venezuelan state press agency, which is not a thing that has independent editors.
Peña, for his part, told reporters that his administration had always believed in "open channels" and "pragmatic diplomacy," two phrases that mean roughly the same thing and together mean roughly nothing. He did not explain what specifically had persuaded him that now was the moment to open the channel he had spent two years describing as a matter of democratic principle. When a journalist from a Paraguayan outlet asked whether the visit was connected to shifting American pressure in the region, an aide said the question was "outside the scope" of the press availability and moved to the next question.
The scope of the press availability was not published.
Senator Marco Rubio, who has made the Western Hemisphere a personal project of the current administration, said this week that the United States expects regional partners to "stand firm on democratic values," which is a sentence that would mean more if the country saying it had not just watched Paraguay sprint to Caracas the moment Washington started taking attendance. A State Department spokesperson said the US "takes note" of the visit and "encourages constructive dialogue," a statement that has the nutritional content of a rice cake and is designed to be eaten just as quickly.
Analysts in Buenos Aires, Bogota, and at least three Washington think tanks that have the same three analysts in them described the rapprochement as "pragmatic realignment," which is the diplomatic community's preferred phrase for doing the self-interested thing with a straight face. One regional policy fellow told a wire service that Paraguay was "reading the room," which is accurate and also damning, because the room has not changed. The people in the room have simply started writing down who showed up.
Venezuela's opposition, which is still operating largely from exile or house arrest depending on the day, released a statement calling the visit "a betrayal of the democratic movement." The statement received approximately one-fifth the coverage of Peña's arrival photos, in which he is shaking hands with Rodríguez in front of two flags and looking like a man who has successfully convinced himself that this is fine.
No formal agreements were signed on the first day of the visit. Both governments said more talks would follow.
The principles will be rescheduled for a later date.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2026-09-19/paraguay-leader-visits-venezuela-in-shift-after-years-of-enmity