Politics
Trump Presents Dan Sullivan Like A Realtor Showing Off The Guy Who Painted The House
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump on Wednesday announced a $54 billion investment in an Alaska liquefied natural gas pipeline, describing it as a triumph of American energy dominance, American negotiating skill, and Sen. Dan Sullivan (R-Alaska), who was present at the announcement and owns a fleece.
The pipeline is part of a broader $200 billion investment commitment from South Korea, which will also cover eight nuclear power plants and roughly 6 gigawatts of additional energy infrastructure. South Korea agreed to all of this, presumably in exchange for something, though the announcement did not specify what, and nobody in the room asked.
Sullivan was introduced by the president as a central figure in the deal, a framing that Sullivan appeared to accept by standing at a podium and describing Alaska as strategically important, which is true in the same way that it is true about every place that has something someone else wants.
"Dan has been incredible," Trump said. "Just incredible. He loves Alaska. He knows where it is. He's been there."
Sullivan then spoke for approximately four minutes about Alaska's potential, the courage of the American energy worker, and the importance of this moment in history, none of which addressed how a foreign government came to be financing the pipe that will carry American gas to ships that will carry it back to that foreign government, but the room applauded anyway.
The Alaska LNG project has existed in various forms since roughly 2014, surviving multiple administrations, several rounds of abandoned financing, and at least one period during which the state of Alaska was essentially trying to sell it to anyone who would return a call. South Korea returning that call in 2025 is being described as a victory for the current administration, the way a house going under contract is a victory for the previous owner's real estate agent.
Sullivan, for his part, has represented Alaska in the Senate since 2015 and has supported the pipeline throughout, which is the political equivalent of a landlord supporting higher rents: technically a position, technically defensible.
Analysts note that South Korea's investment is structured around Korean energy needs, Korean financing, and Korean construction contracts, but that the ribbon-cutting will take place in the United States, where the ribbon is.
A senior administration official said the deal represents "American energy leadership at its finest," and when asked to define leadership in this context, said the call had been scheduled for twenty minutes and they were at eighteen.
Sullivan flew back to Alaska the following morning. The gas was already there.
The story we are making fun of: https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/6121739-trump-praises-senator-dan-sullivan/