Politics
Trump Tells Ohio The Midterms Have A Big Surprise Coming, Does Not Mention He Is The Last Several
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
VANDALIA, Ohio, Saturday. President Donald Trump stood before a rally crowd in Vandalia to campaign for Ohio Republicans competing in what the party is privately describing as a difficult midterm environment, which is the official term for a situation where enthusiasm exists mainly at the podium.
Trump told the crowd the midterms would bring a big surprise, which is what a man says when he does not have a specific thing to say but needs the sentence to end somewhere encouraging.
Ohio has now been the site of a big surprise in 2016, when Trump won it by eight points, in 2020, when he won it by eight points and still lost the presidency, and in 2022, when JD Vance won a Senate seat while spending most of the primary explaining why he used to hate the man now standing at his podium. The state has absorbed three consecutive big surprises and has the infrastructure for it.
"We're going to do something that nobody thinks is possible," Trump told the crowd, which is a sentence he has delivered in Ohio with enough regularity that the Vandalia Convention Center had the audio cables already run.
The candidates Trump was there to support were present and grateful and did not ask follow-up questions about what the surprise was, which is a skill developed over several years of proximity to the former and current president.
Republican strategists contacted for comment described the midterm environment as choppy, which is the word consultants use when they want to communicate concern without being the one who communicated it. Several of them expressed confidence in the Ohio races. One, who requested anonymity to describe a situation everyone in the room could see, said the rally was, quote, exactly what the candidates needed, which is also what you say about a surprise party for someone who already knew.
Trump did not specify the nature of the big surprise, the timeline for its arrival, or whether it had happened before and was simply being re-announced. He did, however, mention the fake news media, the radical left, and a number of individuals by name who are not currently running for anything in Ohio, which took approximately twelve minutes and was received warmly.
Ohio Republicans head into the midterms having been promised something nobody thinks is possible by a man who has now won Ohio twice, lost the White House once, and returned to Vandalia to explain that this time is different.
The surprise, sources confirm, has not yet arrived.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2026-election/trump-campaigning-ohio-says-midterms-will-bring-big-surprise-rcna601150