Politics
Brazil Narrows Presidential Race Down To Two Men Nobody Likes
By Sean Vanity, . BSN Network. Satire.
BRASILIA, Brazil. Brazil has officially entered the second round of its presidential election, a process designed to clarify the national will, which it has done: the national will is that neither of these men should be president, but one of them has to be.
Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, 79, incumbent, three-time president, union organizer, cancer survivor, and recipient of a conviction later annulled, is the man the numbers are currently stacking against. His opponent, who also has numbers that are stacking against him, will face voters again in a runoff that Brazilian election law requires and Brazilian voters have described, in polling, as "a situation."
Both candidates recorded rejection ratings high enough that in a functioning market, at least one of them would have already been recalled. Brazil does not have that option. Brazil has a runoff.
Political analyst Fernanda Queiroz, who teaches electoral behavior at the University of Sao Paulo and has been on television every night for three weeks, told reporters Tuesday that the dynamics were, quote, "quite complex," and then spoke for eleven more minutes without simplifying them.
"What we are seeing is a polarized electorate expressing deep ambivalence about both options available to it while simultaneously being required by law to choose one of those options," Queiroz said, from a chair. "The second round will be decisive."
Lula, who won the presidency in 2002, lost it, won it again in 2022, and is now attempting to hold it in 2026, was asked this week whether his age was a factor. He said no. The voters who rejected him were asked the same question. They said several things, none of them about his age, though they mentioned it twice.
The challenger's campaign, sensing an opening created by Lula's weakening numbers, released an ad this week reminding voters that the other option was Lula. Lula's campaign released a counter-ad reminding voters that the other option was the other guy. Both ads tested poorly.
Former campaign strategist Marcus Tolentino, who worked for a different candidate who lost in the first round, called the current situation "a unique opportunity for whoever figures out that Brazilians would prefer a third person."
That person does not appear to be on the ballot.
Voter turnout projections for the second round are being described by officials as "robust," which is the word governments use when they mean mandatory. Brazil has compulsory voting, which means the citizens who reject both candidates will be legally required to show up and register that rejection in the form of a vote for one of them.
This is, constitutionally, democracy working.
Lula held a rally Tuesday in which he described his vision for Brazil's future with the energy of a man who has had this vision before and has some notes on what went wrong with it the first two times. Supporters cheered. Supporters always cheer at rallies. That is what rallies are for.
The second round is scheduled for later this month. One of these men will win. Brazil has been informed.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2026-10-05/brazil-confronts-the-end-of-the-lula-era-as-president-vote-goes-to-second-round