Absurdity
CNN was Black balled from the white house for reporting on white lies.
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House formally revoked CNN's press credentials Monday, citing what a senior communications official described as 'a sustained and bad-faith effort to report on things that were said but were not meant to be verified.'
The letter, signed by Deputy Press Secretary Ronald Fitch, states that CNN's coverage of 'select informal verbal communications' had created what the administration called 'an atmosphere of unnecessary accuracy' inside the briefing room.
Fitch told reporters Tuesday that the letter did not exist, then clarified that the letter existed but was not official, then clarified that it was official but had been sent in error, then stopped taking questions and gestured broadly at the ceiling.
'The President has enormous respect for the free press,' Fitch said. 'What we're addressing here is a very specific and narrow category of press that keeps writing down what people say.'
The revocation letter itself has become a secondary controversy. Paragraph two describes CNN's Jake Tapper as 'openly hostile and also Canadian,' which Tapper's representatives note is incorrect on both counts. Paragraph four states that CNN 'has never once asked a fair question,' citing as evidence a list of questions that the letter describes as unfair and then declines to reproduce 'for space reasons.' Paragraph five says CNN's ratings are 'frankly embarrassing,' a claim the letter supports with a footnote that cites, without further elaboration, 'everyone knows.'
The fifth paragraph states that the ban is not a ban.
CNN anchor Brianna Keilar read the letter on air in full, pausing after each false claim to allow silence to do the work. The segment ran eleven minutes. Four of those minutes were silence.
Former White House communications director and current podcast host Miles Garret called the ban 'a proportionate response to a media environment that has completely lost the plot.' He said this on a podcast sponsored by a supplements company whose flagship product has not been evaluated by the FDA, a fact disclosed in the same breath as his analysis.
'There's a difference,' Garret said, 'between a lie and a thing that is said with confidence. CNN is unable or unwilling to make that distinction. That is disqualifying.'
CNN has applied for a new credential under the name 'Cable News Network,' which is its legal name and was apparently not the problem. The White House has not responded. A spokesperson confirmed Monday that the spokesperson had no comment and then asked that the confirmation be kept off the record.
The briefing room has thirty-six seats. Thirty-five are currently occupied. The remaining one has a small laminated card on it that says 'Reserved,' which no one placed there and which Fitch has described as 'not something we can speak to at this time.'
CNN is reportedly covering this story. The White House has not confirmed whether that will affect the ban or whether the ban affects the ban.
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.