Absurdity
Eastern Brown Snake Found Coiled Between Bluey Plushie and Princess Nightlight
By Jeff Garstein, . BSN Network. Satire.
A Queensland snake catcher identified only as "Troy" removed an eastern brown snake from a young girl's bedroom on Tuesday after the family noticed something was wrong, specifically that there was an eastern brown snake in her bedroom.
The eastern brown snake is responsible for more snakebite deaths in Australia than any other species. It is fast, it is aggressive when provoked, and it produces a venom that triggers simultaneous cardiovascular collapse and uncontrolled bleeding. It was found next to a Peppa Pig lamp.
Troy arrived within the hour, which raises the question of what the response time would have looked like if the snake had been less venomous. Troy has not clarified whether there is a tiered pricing structure.
Footage from the removal shows Troy coaxing the snake into a bag with a long hook while narrating in the flat, cheerful tone of a man explaining how to change a cabin air filter. "Beautiful specimen," he says at one point. "She's a big girl." He sounds genuinely pleased about this.
The girl whose bedroom this was is six years old. Her name has not been released. She was not in the room at the time of the capture, which the family described as "lucky" and which the rest of the world would describe as "the minimum acceptable outcome."
The mother told a local outlet that she had "no idea" how the snake got in. This is, statistically, the answer every Australian parent gives, and it has never once led to a policy change, a different kind of house, or a conversation about whether Queensland is a reasonable place to raise a child.
Steve Irwin's son Robert Irwin, who is 21 years old and has apparently inherited the family's specific form of courage or brain damage depending on how you look at it, reposted the video with the caption "This is why I love Australia." He included a heart emoji. Nobody pushed back on this.
The eastern brown was relocated to bushland approximately four kilometers from the home, which wildlife experts describe as "a safe distance" and which is also, by road, about six minutes.
Troy, for his part, posted the video to his business page, where it received forty thousand views in eighteen hours. His most-liked comment is "Living the dream, mate." His second most-liked comment is a laughing emoji from someone named Dazza.
The bedroom has been inspected. No additional snakes were found. The family has returned to normal life, which in Queensland means the same life but with the specific knowledge that this has now happened once.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2026/09/18/australia-sunshine-coast-snake-catchers-eastern-brown-bedroom/8821789754613/