Politics
Hamas Treating Trump Peace Deal Like A Gym Membership They Never Used
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Ambassador to Israel Mike Huckabee appeared on Fox News Wednesday to deliver what he described as a progress update on Middle East peace and what any reasonable person would describe as the opposite of that.
Hamas, Huckabee confirmed, agreed to disarm. Hamas has not disarmed. These two facts were presented in the same sentence without apparent irony, which is the diplomatic equivalent of announcing that the diet is going great right before ordering the fries.
"President Trump brought them to the table, and then they have ignored every bit," Huckabee said, in a sentence that could charitably be called a status report and less charitably be called a hostage situation where the hostage is the concept of leverage.
The Ambassador did not specify what "bringing someone to the table" accomplishes when the person you brought sits down, nods, shakes hands, signs the paperwork, and then continues doing exactly what they were doing before the table existed. Diplomatic sources confirmed this is still technically called negotiation.
Hamas, for its part, has demonstrated a commitment to the deal that most Americans would recognize from their relationship with their gym. The card is in the wallet. The intention was sincere at the time of signing. The locker remains un-rented. Experts in the field of January resolutions have called it "a very strong start."
Huckabee remained confident that Trump's approach was correct and that the problem was simply that the other party had chosen not to participate in it, a distinction he appeared to find meaningful.
"This is what happens when you negotiate from strength," Huckabee told Fox News host Martha MacCallum, though he did not explain what strength looks like in a scenario where the agreement is zero percent implemented by the party you made it with.
The White House has not announced a follow-up strategy, though sources familiar with the administration's thinking said a strongly worded seating arrangement is not off the table.
The table, at least, is still available.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2026/10/07/huckabee-hamas-hasnt-done-anything-to-disarm-trump-brought-them-to-the-table-and-then-they-have-ignored-every-bit/