Politics
The Department Tasked With Eliminating Itself Just Issued A Major Ruling On Who Counts As A Girl
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. The Department of Education announced Monday that it is rescinding Biden-era Title IX regulations and reinstating the rules from President Trump's first term, which define sex as a biological fact determined at birth. The department delivered this major civil rights ruling on official letterhead, which is still legal to print even though the building it comes from is scheduled to be dissolved into the Department of Labor sometime before the next fiscal year.
The Biden regulations, finalized in 2024, had extended Title IX's sex discrimination protections to cover gender identity. The Trump administration's restored rules do not. Under the new framework, which is also the old framework, a student's sex is what their birth certificate says it is, which is itself a document issued by a state agency that several members of this administration have also proposed eliminating.
Education Secretary Linda McMahon, who was confirmed specifically to oversee the department's closure, described the move as a restoration of clarity.
"Title IX was always about protecting women and girls," McMahon said in a statement, "and today we are honoring that mission by making sure the people enforcing it know what a woman is, which we are confident they will figure out before they are let go."
The announcement was welcomed by several conservative advocacy groups who have argued for years that the Biden rules placed biological males in girls' locker rooms. None of them addressed what biological males are supposed to do in a school that has already had its Title IX coordinator laid off in the March reduction in force.
On the other side, civil rights attorneys and LGBTQ advocacy organizations condemned the rollback as an erasure of protections for transgender students, several of whom are currently in the middle of school years that began under different rules. Legal challenges are expected. The organizations filing them are advised to name the Department of Education as the respondent and to do so before it is formally reclassified as a sub-office of something else.
School administrators around the country, who have now updated their Title IX compliance materials three times in eight years, received Monday's announcement with the specific silence of people who have learned not to laminate anything.
A spokesperson for the National School Boards Association said the organization is "reviewing the guidance carefully" and is "committed to supporting students and staff," which is what organizations say when they have no idea what is coming next but need a sentence to give reporters.
The policy will take effect immediately, as federal policy often does. Enforcement is the responsibility of the Office for Civil Rights, which is currently operating at roughly a third of its pre-2025 staffing levels, meaning the agency that just resolved the sex question has approximately forty people to apply the answer to fifty million students across thirteen thousand school districts.
The Department of Education has not announced a timeline for its own elimination. It is, however, fully caught up on rulings.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.breitbart.com/education/2026/09/28/trump-title-ix-junks-biden-rules-defines-sex-biology/