Politics
The Pig At Trump's Childhood Home Thinks He's Pretty Special Too
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
Trump's childhood home in Queens, New York sold last week for two million dollars, and within what appears to be a very short window of time, the property has been converted into a working pig farm. The previous owner spent decades there developing a worldview. The current owner is raising pork.
The farm's proprietor introduced his animals on camera with the kind of pride that is usually reserved for children or investment portfolios. The pigs were described as morning folks, which is either a greeting or a classification system, and the tour proceeded normally until one animal was singled out for special attention.
"That one with the fancy hairpiece," the farmer said, gesturing at a pig whose particular arrangement of fur does, in fairness, constitute a silhouette. "He thinks he's pretty special."
The pig had no comment but reportedly did not move out of the frame.
It is worth pausing here to acknowledge what has occurred. A private citizen purchased, for two million dollars, the formative residence of the forty-fifth and forty-seventh president of the United States, and the first thing he did with it was put pigs on it and notice that one of them has a personality problem. This is either the most American thing that has ever happened or a summary of the last ten years, and it is not entirely clear those are different things.
Donald Trump, who was raised in the home in the 1950s and has described his early years in Queens as foundational to his drive, his instincts, and his understanding of what it means to win, has not publicly addressed the pig situation. His communications team did not respond to a request for comment, which is a sentence that also applies to roughly four hundred other stories this year.
Historians who study the childhood environments of American presidents could not be reached in time for publication, but the general field has been quiet on the question of what it means when a pig with distinctive fur takes up residence in the room where a future president decided he was better than everyone else. The academic literature on this is, apparently, thin.
The pig, for his part, has been observed standing slightly apart from the other pigs, facing outward, in a position that agricultural experts would call "normal pig behavior" and that everyone else would call something else.
The farmer has indicated he has big plans for the property. He did not specify whether the pig with the hairpiece is part of those plans or whether the pig has, in the manner of certain famous former residents, simply decided that he is.
The home was built in 1940. It has now housed one future president and one pig who thinks he's pretty special. The farm is open.
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.