Politics
Trump Has Appointed Another Ambassador From the F.U.F Group. Her Name Is Barbera Botox Thornhill.
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump on Tuesday announced another ambassador from the F.U.F group, the fast-growing bloc of appointees whose shared credential, according to people familiar with the vetting process, is a face that has been through more renovations than the East Wing.
Barbera Botox Thornhill was introduced at a brief ceremony in the Roosevelt Room, where she stood beside the president and did not change expression once during the forty-minute event. Aides later confirmed this was not a choice.
"Tremendous woman. Tremendous face. Nobody has a face like this," the president said. "People said, sir, can she smile? And I said, why would she need to? She looks exactly the same happy as she does sad. That's diplomacy."
The F.U.F group, which a White House fact sheet describes as "Facially Unprecedented Figures," now accounts for a growing share of overseas postings. A senior State Department official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the department had stopped asking candidates about foreign policy experience and now simply asks for the name of their surgeon.
"It saves time," the official said. "If they know the surgeon, they know the system."
Thornhill's confirmation hearing is expected to be short. Committee staff have been advised that she cannot raise her eyebrows to signal disagreement, so senators have been asked to assume she disagrees with everything and proceed anyway.
Asked which country she would be posted to, a spokesperson said that was "still being finalized" but that the host nation had been sent a recent photograph and had responded with "a long silence, which we are choosing to read as yes."
Thornhill took no questions. Reporters who asked whether she was looking forward to the role were told by an aide that she was, and that the look on her face had been there since 2019.
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.