Politics
Trump Promises Big Surprises With Man Whose 900-Page Surprise List Is Already Online
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced this week that Americans should brace for 'big surprises' ahead of the midterms, to be delivered in partnership with Russ Vought, the Director of the Office of Management and Budget and the primary author of Project 2025, a 920-page document that has been indexed by Google since 2023 and is currently available as a free PDF.
Trump made the announcement at a campaign-style event, describing the coming surprises as 'incredible' and 'things people haven't even thought of.' Vought, seated nearby, nodded in a way that suggested he had thought of all of them, written them down, organized them by chapter, and submitted them to a Heritage Foundation editorial board for review.
'These are going to be big. Bigger than people know,' Trump said. 'Russ and I have things planned that are going to shock a lot of people.'
Vought later clarified in a statement: 'What the President is describing represents a fundamental transformation of the executive branch consistent with the principles of constitutional governance, and we are excited to share more in the coming weeks.'
The coming weeks are Chapters 14 through 22.
Project 2025, formally titled 'Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise,' was published by the Heritage Foundation in 2023 as an explicit governing blueprint for the next Republican administration. It proposes eliminating entire federal agencies, replacing career civil servants with political appointees, and centralizing executive authority in the White House. A full index, footnotes, and contributor biographies are included. The foreword thanks several dozen people by name.
When Trump was asked during the 2024 campaign whether he had read Project 2025, he said he had not. He is now co-headlining an event with its author to tease its contents as a surprise.
Senior Democrats called the announcement 'alarming,' which may be the first time in recorded history that a party has expressed alarm about a document they have been reading aloud at press conferences for eighteen months. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer called for 'immediate answers,' without specifying which of the available 920 pages he found insufficient.
Vought, for his part, has not described any of this as a surprise. In a 2023 interview, he outlined the project's goals in calm, sequential detail. In a 2024 interview, he did it again. The man has never surprised anyone. His entire professional identity is the careful documentation of intentions.
Republican strategists privately praised the rollout. 'This is smart politics,' one told reporters. 'You give people the document, then you act like it's a reveal. Works every time.' When asked if it had ever worked before, the strategist said he would have to get back to them.
A spokesperson for the Office of Management and Budget confirmed that Vought remains 'deeply committed to the transformational agenda' and encouraged interested parties to visit the Heritage Foundation website, where the transformation has its own landing page, a downloadable FAQ, and a promotional video narrated with the energy of a man unveiling a bathroom renovation.
Trump is expected to announce further surprises next month. Chapter 23 begins on page 718.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-vows-big-surprises-with-project-2025-author-before-midterms-12533986