Politics
Trump Promises to Leave Office Early If Republicans Lose, Saying He Doesn't Want to Govern Stupid People
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump on Tuesday promised to leave office early if Republicans lose the midterm elections, telling a rally crowd that he had no interest in governing what he called "a very stupid group of people, frankly, the stupidest."
"If they vote the wrong way, I'm gone. I'm out. I'll leave early," the president said, to applause that faltered as the crowd worked out what it was applauding. "Why would I stay? You don't stay at a restaurant after they bring you the wrong food. You leave. You leave a very bad review."
Aides spent the afternoon clarifying the remarks. One senior adviser said the president had been "speaking conditionally," a second said he had been "speaking figuratively," and a third said he had been "speaking at a rally, which is a different kind of speaking."
Asked how voters could be both the greatest people in the history of the country and too stupid to govern, the White House press office said the two were not in tension. "The voters are tremendous," a spokesperson said. "Unless they lose. Then they were never his voters. Those were somebody else's voters."
Democratic strategists, who had spent eighteen months searching for a message that would move independents, were reported to have gone very quiet. "We had a whole plan," one said. "Now we just need to read him the results."
Republican leaders in Congress declined to say whether they would campaign on the promise, though one House member from Ohio described it as "a real motivator, I just haven't worked out for which side."
The president did not say how early he would leave, but told reporters on Air Force One that he would "probably take the plane."
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.