Absurdity
Woman Reports Boyfriend Nathan Fielder Unaware They Are Dating
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
COLUMBUS, OHIO. A local woman is urging friends, family, and if necessary federal mediators to intervene in what she is calling a serious communication breakdown at the center of her eight-month relationship with HBO auteur and emotional enigma Nathan Fielder.
Brittany Coles, 34, a dental hygienist and self-described "very reasonable person," says the relationship began in October when she finished watching The Rehearsal and sat quietly in her apartment for forty minutes thinking about it. She describes that moment as "basically a first date."
"He set the tone," Coles told BSN Network. "He made a whole television show about anticipating life's most uncomfortable moments and practicing for them. I am simply doing that. I am practicing being in a relationship with him until he catches up."
Fielder, for his part, has not caught up. He has also not been contacted, notified, or made aware of the situation by any party, including Coles herself, who says direct communication at this stage would be "jumping ahead."
"We're not there yet," she said. "You don't just tell someone. There's a process."
The relationship has nonetheless progressed at a pace Coles considers healthy. She has introduced Fielder to her parents, in the sense that she showed them a clip of him on YouTube and said "this is him." Her mother said he seemed quiet. Her father asked if he was the guy from that show where he makes people do weird stuff. Coles said yes and considered the meeting a success.
She has also, she notes, been extremely supportive of his career. She watched The Rehearsal three more times, each time from a different emotional angle. She watched Nathan For You in its entirety and described it as "classic early relationship energy, a little guarded, but you can tell he's trying." She gave the finale four out of five stars, deducting one star because "he wasn't ready to be fully vulnerable yet, which, honestly, same."
Fielder, who in his professional work has demonstrated a near-clinical interest in the gap between human intention and human behavior, would likely find the situation instructive. He has built an entire body of work around the premise that people will agree to almost anything if the framing is confident enough. Coles appears to have absorbed this lesson completely and applied it inward.
"What he's really saying, thematically, is that rehearsal is reality," she explained. "So by rehearsing this relationship, I am having this relationship. He basically already taught me how to do this. He's very supportive."
A spokesperson for Nathan Fielder's production company declined to comment but did confirm that the spokesperson was, in fact, a person who existed and had been reached by phone, making them the only person in this story who has had direct contact with anyone in Fielder's actual orbit.
Coles says she is not worried. She has a plan. In the spring, she intends to attend a public event where Fielder may or may not be present and practice saying hello from a distance of approximately forty feet. If that goes well, she will consider escalating.
"A lot of couples rush things," she said. "We're taking it slow."
She has already picked out the restaurant where they will celebrate their one-year anniversary. She made a reservation under both names.
Fielder's table is confirmed for 7:30.
The story we are making fun of: https://thehardtimes.net/blog/help-nathan-fielder-still-doesnt-know-were-in-a-relationship/