Absurdity
Congress Passes Law Requiring Surveillance Cameras To Wear Their Own Tiny Body Cameras
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C.: Congressional Democrats on Tuesday passed the Accountability in Surveillance Technology Act, a sweeping piece of legislation requiring that every Flock Safety automated license-plate recognition camera deployed on American soil be outfitted with its own miniaturized body-worn recording device, effective no later than eighteen months from enactment.
The bill passed largely along party lines, 218 to 211, with two Democrats voting against it and one Republican voting in favor before immediately announcing he had voted the wrong way and requesting a do-over, which is not a thing.
Sponsor Rep. Diane Hollis of California said the legislation addresses what she called an urgent and long-festering blind spot in the national surveillance framework.
"Who watches the watchers?" Hollis said at a press conference flanked by six staffers, none of whom appeared to know where to look. "We do. Now. With cameras. Smaller cameras."
Flock Safety, the Atlanta-based company whose pole-mounted cameras currently operate in more than 5,000 communities across the country, released a statement describing the bill as "a thoughtful if procedurally novel contribution to the ongoing national dialogue around transparency, accountability, and the responsible deployment of technology-forward public safety infrastructure solutions."
The statement did not use the word "absurd," though a company spokesperson repeated the word "thoughtful" four times in forty seconds when reached by phone, which is its own kind of statement.
Under the law, each Flock unit's body camera must be independently powered, tamper-resistant, and capable of continuous recording at a minimum resolution of 1080p. The footage must be stored separately from the primary camera's data, accessible to the public upon request, and retained for a minimum of sixty days.
The Congressional Budget Office estimates the program will cost approximately $340 million over ten years, which works out to roughly $1,200 per camera, which is more than some of the cameras themselves cost, a detail that appeared in paragraph forty-seven of the CBO report and was not mentioned during floor debate.
Residents in cities where Flock cameras are already operational expressed a range of reactions.
"I feel safer," said Gary Toombs, 54, of Naperville, Illinois, who could not explain why when asked. "I just do. Someone's keeping an eye on it."
Deborah Fitch, 41, of Phoenix, said she had been suspicious of the cameras for years and considered the new law a victory. "They're watching everything we do," she said. "It's only fair we watch them back." She added that she has been photographing her own Ring doorbell camera once a week for the past two years, just to establish a record.
The bill's passage triggered immediate controversy in the Senate, where Minority Leader Charles Renn introduced an amendment requiring that the body cameras worn by the Flock units be themselves subject to a third layer of oversight recording. When asked how deep the recursive surveillance requirement should go, Renn said "as far as it needs to," declined to elaborate, and walked away from the microphone in what witnesses described as a confident stride that slowed noticeably once he rounded the corner.
Civil liberties groups offered cautious support for the legislation while noting that the law does nothing to limit where Flock cameras can be placed, what data they collect, how long that data is retained by law enforcement agencies, who can access it, or under what legal standard. The ACLU said in a statement that the bill is "a step," and left it at that.
The White House said the President looks forward to reviewing the bill.
Installation of the first body cameras is expected to begin in the spring. A government contractor has already been awarded the pilot program contract. The contractor's offices are not covered by any Flock cameras, though three of their parking lot entrances are.
The story we are making fun of: https://thehardtimes.net/culture/democrats-pass-anti-flock-camera-bill-mandating-all-flock-devices-wear-body-cameras/