Absurdity
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Spending Nine Hours At Jobs They Hate
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
CHICAGO, IL: Tributes to the late Gloria Steinem poured in Monday from women across the country, most of whom honored the pioneering feminist's memory by kissing their toddlers goodbye at a $2,400-a-month daycare facility and then sitting in a cubicle for nine hours arguing over whose turn it is to refill the printer paper.
Steinem, who died at 90 after a lifetime of activism that fundamentally reshaped American society, was eulogized in op-eds as 'a towering figure' and 'a woman who changed everything.' She was also honored, more concretely, by roughly 74 million women who attended a 9 a.m. all-hands meeting that could have been an email.
'Gloria fought so hard for us,' said Amanda Creller, 34, a mid-level compliance analyst at a logistics firm in Columbus, Ohio, while eating a sad desk salad and refreshing her inbox for the fourth time in eleven minutes. 'I think about her sacrifice every day. Also my manager just reassigned my project to Derek, who has never once read a full report in his life.'
Derek could not be reached for comment because he was on a golf call.
Steinem herself famously declared that 'women's liberation is men's liberation too,' a sentiment that was this week tested against the actual conditions of liberation, which turned out to include a broken Keurig on the third floor, a parking validation situation that nobody will take responsibility for, and a mandatory DEI training module that crashes on Chrome.
The daycare industry, for its part, reported record drop-off volumes Monday morning. At Bright Horizons locations nationwide, children aged six weeks to five years were handed over by women wearing lanyards and the particular expression of someone who has already made three decisions before 7:30 a.m. and is out of decisions.
'We see a real uptick when there's a cultural moment,' said Chad Fenwick, regional director of operations for a national daycare chain, speaking from what appeared to be a very comfortable chair. 'The children are thriving. The mothers are, uh, persisting.'
Persisting is one word for it.
Kristen Malhotra, 41, a senior account manager in Portland, said she spent her lunch break reading a Steinem quote posted by a brand that sells athleisure. The quote read: 'The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.' Kristen said it pissed her off, and then she went back to a call with a client who pronounces 'data' both ways depending on his mood.
Not all tributes were workplace-adjacent. Several women honored Steinem by taking on an additional freelance project at night after the kids were asleep, in what economists are calling 'a second shift,' and what the women themselves are calling 'just how it is.'
Historians noted that Steinem never actually said women should want to do all of this. She said they should have the choice. This distinction was acknowledged briefly in a Twitter thread and then everyone moved on because there was a 4 p.m.
The daycare runs until six.
The story we are making fun of: https://babylonbee.com/news/women-honor-gloria-steinem-by-leaving-kids-at-daycare-and-working-9-hours-at-jobs-they-hate/