Politics
Congressman Named Bacon Announces He Would Love To Be President
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
Rep. Don Bacon, Republican of Nebraska, announced this week that he is considering a run for the presidency in 2028, a development that raises several questions, the least important of which is whether he is qualified.
The most important question, which no outlet has yet had the courage to ask plainly, is whether the United States of America is prepared to have a president named Bacon. Not metaphorically. His name is Don Bacon. He would like to be president. These are the facts as reported.
Bacon, who is departing Congress after next year, told an interviewer that he would "love" to run. This is, by modern political standards, an unusually honest thing to say. Most candidates describe the presidency as a burden they feel called to bear on behalf of a suffering nation. Bacon said he would love it. He did not say why he would love it, and no follow-up question appears to have been asked.
The congressman has floated a White House bid before, which means this is not a fresh impulse but a recurring one, which is somehow both more understandable and more alarming. He has thought about this. He keeps thinking about it. He has arrived, again, at love.
Political analysts who were asked to assess Bacon's chances in 2028 described the field as "wide open," which is the phrase analysts use when they do not want to say "completely unpredictable" and do not want to say "your guy has no chance" because they have learned that both statements age poorly.
Former Republican strategist and current podcast host Chad Lundstrom told BSN that Bacon "brings a real authenticity to the race" and that "voters in Iowa and New Hampshire respond to candidates who feel genuine." Lundstrom then talked for four more minutes about the importance of retail politics and the power of a firm handshake, none of which addressed the name.
The name, to be clear, is not a small thing. Presidential campaigns are branding exercises. The logo alone requires months of committee deliberation. Bacon 2028 writes itself, which is either an enormous advantage or a signal that something has gone wrong with the process by which the country selects its leadership, and it is genuinely unclear which.
Nebraska voters who spoke to BSN were, on balance, supportive. "He's a straight shooter," said one man outside a hardware store in Omaha, which is exactly what people say about politicians they have not thought very hard about. "He's Don Bacon," said a second man, as though that settled it, and in a way it does.
Bacon has not yet formed an exploratory committee, hired staff, or given any indication of a policy platform beyond the desire to run, which puts him in roughly the same position as fourteen other people who will announce presidential campaigns between now and 2027 and be forgotten before the first debate.
What distinguishes Bacon from those fourteen people is not ideology or biography or donor network. It is that when the history of this period is eventually written, the sentence "and then a congressman named Bacon said he would love to be president" will appear in it, and future readers will have to decide for themselves what that sentence means.
Bacon's office did not respond to a request for comment, which is the correct decision.
The story we are making fun of: https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/6085724-don-bacon-considers-2028-presidency/