Politics
Politics articles from BSN Network. Satirical news, published daily.
- One of These Attorneys Was Made in America and the Fake Version Was Made in China. Can You Tell the Difference?
Two attorneys, one photo, one question. Counterfeit experts say the difference is always in the paperwork, and only one of them came with any.
- Katie Zacharia Fired Five Days Into Her New/Old Role as White House Press Secretary
Named on October 9, at the podium on October 13 for 14 minutes and three questions, and out by Friday. The White House calls it transitioning out.
- Trump Announces Changes That Allow Him to Run in 2028, at the Los Angeles Paralympic Games
After months searching the Constitution for a loophole, the president's team realized the word run has more than one meaning. Paralympic officials say qualification still applies.
- Americans Are Making a Few Million Monthly on a Simple Trade That Trump Will Say Something Stupid. Free Money.
Prediction market regulars say the most reliable bet in the country pays out several times a week, has never once lost, and requires no research beyond owning a television.
- Trump Promises to Leave Office Early If Republicans Lose, Saying He Doesn't Want to Govern Stupid People
The president told a rally crowd he would step down ahead of schedule if voters hand Democrats the midterms, explaining that he had not signed up to run a country that could make a decision like that.
- Trump Has Appointed Another Ambassador From the F.U.F Group. Her Name Is Barbera Botox Thornhill.
The White House has named a fresh envoy from the F.U.F group, the diplomatic caucus whose members share a single qualification. Officials describe her as "extremely ready" for the role, and her...
- Trump Has Signed an Executive Order to Remove the Rainbow From America's Atmosphere Because It Looks Too Gay
Executive Order 14991 directs Interior and NOAA to identify, catalogue and eliminate the rainbow over the continental United States by 1 January. NOAA has advised that the phenomenon is not an...
- Republicans Finally Believe in Climate Change After Polls Show Large Portions of ICE Apparently Melting Down
Congressional Republicans reversed their position on climate change on Monday after a closed-door briefing showed large portions of ICE melting down during the midterm projections. The caucus has...
- Man In Focus Group Describes Economy As 'Concerning' In Seventh Consecutive Election
With the 2026 midterms five months out, The Guardian has assembled nine American voters to share what issues matter most to them. One of those voters, a 54-year-old from Akron, has now described...
- Macron Delivers Lengthy Free Speech Warning, Defines Free Speech As Whatever He Decides It Is
French President Emmanuel Macron went on record this week to clarify that American-style free speech is, in his words, "the opposite of free speech," a distinction he explained at considerable...
- Trump Orders Russian Diesel After Spending Years Telling Europe Not To
President Donald Trump announced Friday that Russia will supply millions of tons of diesel fuel to the American and global market following a phone call with Vladimir Putin, making the United...
- Trump's Midterm Strategy Is Russian Diesel and a Phone Call to Putin
With fuel prices cutting into poll numbers, the White House has begun coordinating with Moscow to release Russian diesel into global markets, a maneuver that formally ends years of energy...
- Guilfoyle Spent Her Pre-Confirmation Weeks Fundraising, Just Not For Greece
President Trump's ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle, spent the period between her nomination and her Senate confirmation hearing privately soliciting donors to pay down her personal debts....
- Trump Announces Iran Will Not Be Bombed Until After Midterms
President Donald Trump took to social media this week to inform the Islamic Republic of Iran that it is safe through November, describing recent talks as 'productive' without specifying what Iran...
- Pete Hegseth Got Fired From Fox News And Is Now Scheduling Televised Executions
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Thursday that the December 3 firing squad execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan will be open to public viewing, telling podcast host Jack Posobiec,...
- The Counties That Voted Hardest For Trump Are Now Rationing Dinner
Food pantries in rural West Virginia are reporting their longest lines in memory, after federal cuts eliminated the supply programs that were keeping shelves stocked. Volunteers say they have...
- Pentagon Assures Public Nidal Hasan Execution Will Be Watchable
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced this week that the Fort Hood shooter's execution will be open to public viewing, describing his primary logistical goal as making sure people are able to...
- Pentagon Books Firing Squad For 1pm, Requests Guests Arrive Early For Parking
Pete Hegseth announced Wednesday that the execution of Nidal Hasan, the Army psychiatrist convicted of killing 13 people at Fort Hood, will be a public event livestreamed for the American people,...
- Hamas Treating Trump Peace Deal Like A Gym Membership They Never Used
U.S. Ambassador to Israel Mike Huckabee confirmed Wednesday that Hamas has not taken a single step toward disarmament despite agreeing to do so, describing the situation as President Trump...
- Candidate Issues 52-Count Indictment Against AG Who Actually Does Those
Republican attorney general candidate Saritha Komatireddy released what she is calling a 52-count public indictment against New York AG Letitia James Thursday, ahead of their first debate. Legal...
- Trump Says San Antonio Rally Was Like Nothing Ever Seen Before, Chairs Agree
President Trump declared Monday's San Antonio rally the largest gathering in human memory, a claim that footage from the event appeared to support only in the sense that the chairs had never been...
- FBI Social Media Account Now Doing Opposition Research On Senate Candidates
The FBI this week posted a video branding Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed as part of the "defund the police crowd," a label the bureau apparently felt comfortable applying because the...
- Republicans Who Voted For The Iran War Now Running On Lower Gas Prices
With debates underway across the country, a growing number of Republican incumbents are quietly retiring their Trump talking points and replacing them with urgent concern about the cost of eggs....
- EPA Replaces Methane Limits With Laminated 'Please Try Not To' Pledge Mailed To Refineries
The Trump administration announced Wednesday that the EPA will roll back Obama-era and Biden-era methane restrictions on oil and gas producers, describing the move as a win for 'energy freedom and...
- Iran Moved US Bombers Off A British Base Without Launching A Single Drone
The United States quietly withdrew its B-1 bombers from RAF Fairford in England after intelligence surfaced suggesting Iran was planning a drone strike on the aircraft and American personnel...
- Susan Collins Defends Trump Record By Listing Every Time She Was Very Concerned
Maine's first Senate debate between Susan Collins and Troy Jackson turned contentious Tuesday as Collins, facing questions about her support for Donald Trump's agenda, offered a detailed...
- Vance Deployed To Comfort The Americans Trump's Economy Stats Haven't Reached Yet
With President Trump describing the current economy as the greatest in the history of civilization, Vice President JD Vance has been quietly touring the country to acknowledge that some Americans...
- Trump Promises Big Surprises With Man Whose 900-Page Surprise List Is Already Online
President Trump vowed this week to deliver 'big surprises' before the midterms alongside Russ Vought, the chief architect of Project 2025, a 900-page federal restructuring blueprint that has been...
- Trump Publicly Criticizes The Three Justices He Personally Appointed For Not Ruling His Way
The Supreme Court opened its new term Monday facing immigration bans, AR-15 restrictions, climate lawsuits, and election rules, while President Trump spent part of the week publicly criticizing...
- Lithuania Paid For A US Military Base Before America Agreed To Build One
President Trump announced Tuesday that the United States would 'consider' establishing a permanent military base in Lithuania, a process Lithuania's government apparently considered complete, as...
- Trump Disputes Photo Of Resort He Owns, Posts Fourteen Others To Prove It Looks Fine
Former President Donald Trump took to Truth Social this week to accuse The New York Times of digitally altering an aerial photograph of his Doral golf resort, calling the image "a total...
- DOJ Gives Congresswoman Five Days To Answer Federal Charges, Five Of Which She Just Gave Birth
LaMonica McIver, New Jersey's 10th district representative, welcomed a baby girl last Thursday and faces a federal filing deadline this week stemming from a confrontation with ICE agents during a...
- Trump Posts Tom Cotton's Phone Number To Settle An Argument About Clocks
The United States Senate has spent the better part of two years debating whether to stop moving clocks twice a year, and on Tuesday the negotiation escalated to the point where the President of...
- GOP Senators Confirm Hegseth, Shocked To Learn He Is In Charge Now
Senior Republican senators say they were blindsided last week when Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced a plan to cut 20 percent of the military's generals and admirals, a decision they...
- Tillis Regrets Hegseth Vote Like A Yelp Reviewer Who Still Left Five Stars
Senator Thom Tillis of North Carolina, who voted last February to confirm Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense and then spent the following year explaining why that was actually fine, has now...
- Democrats Losing New Hampshire To A Man Whose Father Ran The Bush White House
John Sununu, whose father served as Chief of Staff to George H.W. Bush and whose last name appears on approximately one-third of New Hampshire's public buildings, is surging in a Senate race...
- Iran Confirms It Has No Oil Money After Careful Review Of Having No Oil Money
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced this week that Iran is experiencing zero oil revenue for what he called the first time in history, a milestone Tehran's top security official marked by...
- Brazil Narrows Presidential Race Down To Two Men Nobody Likes
After the first round of Brazil's presidential election produced no majority winner, the country is now heading to a runoff between incumbent Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva and his challenger, with...
- AG Blanche Confirms No Armed Agents Will Monitor Elections, Armed Agents Will Monitor Elections
Attorney General Todd Blanche appeared on Fox News Sunday to clarify that reports of armed federal agents monitoring the midterm elections are, in his words, completely false. He then explained...
- John Kennedy Urges GOP To Pretend They've Been To A Grocery Store Before November
Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana issued a warning to his Republican colleagues this week, cautioning that voters have noticed prices rising and may bring it up in November, possibly at a polling...