Sports
Deion Sanders Argues With The Scoreboard Like It Personally Offended Him
By Michael Yappaport, . BSN Network. Satire.
BOULDER, Colo. -- Colorado head coach Deion Sanders held his post-game press conference Sunday evening and delivered what analysts are already calling the most confident response to a second straight loss in the recorded history of the sport.
"We are better than what that score says," Sanders told reporters, gesturing at nothing in particular. "I know what I see out there. I know what this program is."
What this program is, at this particular moment, is a team that has lost two games in a row. Sanders acknowledged this. He did not agree with it.
Sanders said he is struggling to identify the reason his team's results do not match what he believes the results should be, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to say if you have recently discovered football and are working through the rules. For a man who played at the highest level for over a decade and is widely regarded as one of the greatest defensive backs in the history of the sport, it represents a somewhat different data point.
When asked specifically what he thinks is going wrong, Sanders paused for a long moment and then said, "That's a great question," which, in the language of press conferences, means the answer has not arrived yet and may not be making the trip.
He then pivoted to the team's character. Their belief. Their standard. Their identity as a program that has chosen to be great and is simply waiting on the games to reflect that choice.
At no point did Sanders identify a single thing that occurred on the field that he would like to see done differently. This was either visionary leadership or the most expensive therapy session in Colorado history, and the difference is the next four Saturdays.
A Colorado fan who attended the game and requested anonymity told a reporter afterward that he has started wearing his lucky hat to games and is now concerned the hat is "doing the opposite." He is currently ranked ahead of Sanders in terms of specific theories.
Sanders has been here before and survived. He turned programs around with less. He has the rings, the nickname, the sunglasses and the biography. He also has two losses in a row and a press conference full of answers that have not made contact with the question.
The scoreboard, reached for comment, did not respond.
It has been right twice in a row now and appears comfortable with that.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.nbcsports.com/nfl/profootballtalk/rumor-mill/news/deion-sanders-says-colorado-is-better-than-the-score-shows-after-another-loss