Conspiracy
Gastonia Residents Cheer Being Described As A War Zone, Drive Home Fine
By Tah Foil, . BSN Network. Satire.
GASTONIA, N.C. -- On Wednesday evening, President Donald Trump stood before a crowd of enthusiastic North Carolinians and described North Carolina to them, at length, as a place they should be terrified to live in.
Trump was in Gastonia to campaign for Republican Senate candidate Michael Whatley, who is challenging former Democratic Governor Roy Cooper for the seat currently held by retiring Senator Thom Tillis. Green Party candidate Michael Dublin and Libertarian Shannon Bray are also running, in the same way that a houseplant is also in the room during a divorce.
The central claim of the evening was that Cooper, during his eight years as governor, had presided over what Trump called "blood-soaked killing fields." The crowd responded with sustained applause. Several attendees then got into their cars and drove home without incident on roads the state maintains.
A review of North Carolina's crime data shows the state ranks approximately 30th in violent crime nationally, placing it comfortably between states no one describes as killing fields and states that have, at minimum, a more dramatic geography. Gastonia itself recorded 14 homicides in 2023, which is a tragedy for 14 families and a rate that, adjusted per capita, puts it below seven cities in Florida that market themselves as vacation destinations.
Whatley, for his part, delivered a series of specific statistics about crime surges under Cooper's tenure. When asked for sourcing, a campaign spokesperson provided a link to a press release that cited a 2022 op-ed that cited a 2021 Breitbart article that cited a tweet from a now-suspended account that linked back, after three redirects, to the original press release. Investigators describe this as "the information ouroboros" and note it is extremely efficient.
Elon Musk, who was not at the rally but posted about it from his phone at 1:47 a.m., called North Carolina "genuinely one of the most dangerous places in America" and added three skull emoji and a poll asking whether people felt safe, which 74 percent of respondents answered "no" and which has since been cited in four more press releases.
Cooper's campaign responded by noting that North Carolina added 600,000 jobs under his administration and that the murder rate declined in five of his eight years in office. This information was released in a statement, which was covered by two local outlets and a newsletter with 340 subscribers, one of whom replied to ask if they could be removed from the list.
There is a longstanding American tradition of describing the other party's governed territory as a smoldering ruin while campaigning in it, in front of people who live there voluntarily and own property. No one has yet asked the residents of Gastonia how they feel about being the rhetorical smoking crater in this particular argument. Based on available evidence, they feel fine. They gave the speech a standing ovation.
A spokesperson for the North Carolina tourism board declined to comment but was seen writing something down.
Whatley and Cooper face off in November. Dublin and Bray are also running.
The story we are making fun of: https://politifact.com/article/2026/sep/17/blood-soaked-killing-fields-fact-checking-trump-and-whatleys-claims-about-cooper-and-crime-in-north-carolina/