Politics
Iranian Diplomats Fly To New York To Stand Near Americans Told Not To Talk To Them
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
Iran's most senior diplomatic officials are set to arrive in New York next week for the United Nations General Assembly, having been granted entry into the United States for the express purpose of attending a global forum for dialogue, after which they will be avoided at close range by every American official in the building.
The arrangement, which diplomats have declined to describe as awkward, puts Iranian and US officials in the same conference center, the same elevator banks, and almost certainly the same line at the Delegates' Dining Room salad bar, under strict instructions to treat the proximity as a coincidence requiring no response.
President Trump told Axios on Thursday that he has a big decision to make about Iran. He did not say what the decision was. Axios published the story. Bloomberg sent a reporter to the White House to report that Axios had published the story. This is the information ecosystem functioning at capacity.
"It's a very big decision," Trump said, in full, to a journalist who had flown to Washington to hear it. "One of the biggest." He then declined to specify whether the decision involved military action, diplomacy, a third nuclear framework, or something he had seen on television that morning and found compelling.
Meanwhile, Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi is expected to give remarks at the General Assembly, meet with various non-American delegations, and spend approximately six days in a city whose government has been instructed by his country's primary adversary to treat him like a stranger at a party who owes someone money.
Former National Security Advisor John Bolton, who has been wrong about Iran continuously since 2003 and remains available for comment, said in a statement that any meeting between US and Iranian officials at the UN would represent a dangerous legitimization of the regime. He said this from a green room somewhere. He will say it again next week.
Diplomats familiar with the situation, who requested anonymity because they are tired, noted that US and Iranian officials technically interact at the UN every year, mostly by reading each other's prepared remarks in the same chamber and then releasing statements calling those remarks irresponsible. This is considered the functional version of the relationship.
The formal question of whether any bilateral contact will occur this year has been referred, apparently, to whatever part of Trump's brain is currently holding the big decision. Reporting suggests that part is busy.
Bloomberg's Courtney Subramanian filed from the White House driveway that the decision remains unmade. Axios confirmed the decision is big. The Associated Press has prepared a headline for each of the four most likely outcomes and is rotating them on a two-hour refresh cycle.
Iranian officials, for their part, have not commented on whether they intend to make eye contact with anyone from the US delegation, accidentally share a car to JFK, or find themselves standing next to Secretary of State Marco Rubio at a reception for a nation neither of them is paying attention to.
The UN General Assembly begins Monday. The big decision, sources say, is expected before then, after then, or sometime in between.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/videos/2026-09-17/trump-weighs-big-decision-on-iran-axios-reports-video