Absurdity
Jesus Appears To Silicon Valley CEO To Say He Gets The Irony Now
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
PALO ALTO, CA: Silicon Valley CEO Raymond Paul, 44, told reporters Tuesday that he experienced what he believes was a visitation from Jesus Christ during a sensory deprivation float session at a Palo Alto wellness center, during which the divine figure listened patiently to Paul's concerns about artificial general intelligence and then said, quote, "Oh, your intelligent creations are trying to kill you? That's interesting."
Paul, who founded the AI safety startup Anthropic-adjacent firm Luminal Systems and has testified twice before Congress about the existential threat posed by machine intelligence, said the voice was "warm but not warm in a comforting way."
"It was warm the way someone is warm right before they ask you a really good question you can't answer," Paul told reporters from inside what appeared to be a Patagonia vest made of other Patagonia vests.
The remark has sent shockwaves through the AI safety community, primarily because it is the most concise peer review that community has ever received.
For context: the AI safety debate, now in its tenth year of lucrative panel discussions, broadly concerns whether humanity will accidentally build a machine intelligence so powerful it decides to eliminate us, either out of cold logic or simple indifference. The major labs, including OpenAI, Google DeepMind, and Anthropic, have each published safety frameworks running to hundreds of pages, the combined effect of which has been to make the machines slightly better at writing the frameworks.
Jesus, whose own intelligent creation famously did not go as planned and whose entire theological legacy is essentially a 2,000-year incident report, reportedly had no follow-up questions.
"He just let it sit there," Paul said. "No elaboration. I kept waiting for Him to continue and He did not continue."
Representatives for the Catholic Church issued a statement calling the vision "theologically unverifiable" but acknowledged the quote "does sound like something He would say."
A spokesperson for OpenAI declined to comment on the divine vision specifically but noted that the company "takes all forms of feedback seriously, including eschatological feedback, as part of our ongoing commitment to iterative safety improvements."
That statement was 38 words long and contained no information.
Colleagues of Paul's say he has been shaken by the experience, though it is difficult to determine whether he is shaken by the divine encounter itself or by the dawning realization that a carpenter who was executed by his own civilization got there first.
"Raymond built a company specifically to warn people that their creations might become smarter than them and then kill them," said one Luminal board member who requested anonymity. "And then a guy who literally invented humans showed up and said 'interesting.' I mean. Yeah."
Paul said he has spent the days since the vision re-reading the Book of Genesis, which he described as "moving fast and not breaking things is not in there at all, actually."
When asked whether the experience had changed his views on AI development, Paul said he remains committed to the responsible acceleration of transformative technology, which is the Silicon Valley way of saying no.
He is expected to speak about the vision at a $4,500-per-ticket conference in Aspen next month.
Jesus is not expected to attend, though organizers have left a seat open.
The story we are making fun of: https://babylonbee.com/news/oh-your-intelligent-creations-are-trying-to-kill-you-thats-interesting-says-jesus/