Absurdity
Local Death Metal Vocalist Raptured Mid-Set In Front Of Sold-Out Crowd
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
AKRON, Ohio. Witnesses at the Obsidian Temple Bar and Venue are still processing Saturday night's events after death metal vocalist Kyle Drenthe, performing under the stage name Khaos Vomitlord, was physically assumed into heaven during the second song of Gorespawn's headlining set.
Drenthe, 34, had been performing with Gorespawn for eleven years. The band is described by their label as purveyors of "theologically hostile sonic warfare." Their most recent album, "Tomb of the Immaculate," features cover art depicting a crucifixion scene that several Ohio counties have asked venues to turn toward the wall.
The incident occurred at 11:47 PM during the bridge of "Christ Crusher," the closing track from their 2019 record. Eyewitnesses describe a localized warmth, an odor of cedar and something floral that nobody could name, and then a column of soft gold light descending through the venue's ceiling, which is asbestos tile.
"He just went up," said Brianna Kowalke, 27, who had been filming the set on her phone. "I have it on video. You can hear me say 'what the' and then the rest of the word gets cut off because I stopped recording to look with my actual eyes. I don't know why I did that."
Drenthe's microphone stand remained upright on stage. His spiked leather gauntlets, which he has worn at every performance since 2016, were left behind and landed near the monitor wedge. His corpsepaint, according to at least two witnesses, went with him.
Guitarist Aaron Fleiss, also known as Necrotic Aaron, confirmed that the band continued playing for approximately six minutes after Drenthe's disappearance before drummer Pat Ohler stopped the song.
"We thought it was a bit," Fleiss told reporters. "Kyle has done bits before. At the Cincinnati show in 2022 he faked a seizure for a full four minutes and we just kept going. We've been trained to just keep going."
Ohler, who has described himself in multiple interviews as "militantly post-religious," declined to comment beyond a brief written statement that read: "I am not prepared to address what happened to Kyle or what it implies about my current lifestyle."
Local pastor Gerald Mims of the Crossroads Fellowship Church, whose congregation is located two blocks from the Obsidian Temple, said he was not surprised.
"We have been praying for that building specifically since March," Mims said. "Not for this outcome necessarily, but we were praying in that general direction and I think the Lord used the available material."
A spokesperson for the venue said the show would not be refunded, as the performance technically concluded through no fault of the Obsidian Temple, and noted that Drenthe's departure occurred after the halfway point of the set.
A small number of fans have begun leaving Drenthe's gauntlets at makeshift memorials outside the venue. Others have expressed a more complicated grief.
"It's not that I'm upset he got in," said longtime fan Derek Pruitt, 31, who drove four hours from Pittsburgh for the show. "It's more like, what does it mean for the rest of us that he got in. I've been to every Gorespawn show for eight years. I bought the shirt that says 'God Is A Corpse.' I'm wearing it right now."
He looked down at the shirt for a moment.
"I'm going to need a minute."
The story we are making fun of: https://thehardtimes.net/uncategorized/absolutely-humiliating-this-death-metal-musician-just-got-raptured/