Absurdity
Mamdani's Giant Prop Check For Workers Isn't Actually A Check
By Jeff Garstein, . BSN Network. Satire.
New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani stood before cameras on Tuesday holding a prop check large enough to tile a bathroom, bearing the figure $131,500,000.00, payable to "NYC Delivery Workers," and signed, in the memo line, "Corporate Accountability."
DoorDash signed nothing.
The event was billed as a press conference announcing the city's lawsuit against DoorDash for wage theft affecting an estimated 65,000 delivery workers. The lawsuit was filed. The figure of $131.5 million represents the city's calculation of what workers are allegedly owed. Whether DoorDash owes it, agrees it owes it, or will ever pay it is a matter currently in litigation, which is a word that means the opposite of "resolved" and appeared in zero of the mayor's prepared remarks.
"Today, we are taking back what was stolen," Mamdani said, gesturing at the check. The check gestured back, inertly, because it is foam.
A spokesperson for DoorDash called the lawsuit "baseless" and said the company looks forward to "setting the record straight in court," which is the corporate way of saying the check is not in the mail.
The $131.5 million figure comes from the city's own analysis of alleged tip manipulation and below-minimum-wage pay practices between 2021 and 2023. DoorDash disputes the methodology, the math, and the underlying premise. The city has not disputed that it made the check at Staples.
Legal scholars who follow municipal wage enforcement note that suing a company for a sum and collecting a sum are two events separated by what is professionally called "years" and colloquially called "never."
The workers the check is ostensibly for were not at the press conference. Several told local reporters they heard about it on their phones while completing deliveries, which is the job they still have, at the wages they still receive, in the ongoing absence of any settlement.
Mamdani's office did not respond to questions about the check's current whereabouts, whether it has been laminated, or what happens to it if the city loses.
DoorDash, for its part, processed approximately 800 million orders last year and reported $5.1 billion in revenue, which is enough to print quite a large check of their own if this becomes a competition.
The foam is still the most money anyone has changed hands on so far.
The story we are making fun of: https://nypost.com/2026/09/28/opinion/mamdanis-triumph-over-doordash-greed-isnt-all-it-seems/