Culture
Pete Hegseth Calls Livestreaming a Firing Squad Execution a No Brainer
By Bruno Von Falken, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States Department of Defense announced this week that it will livestream the firing squad execution of Nidal Hasan, the Army psychiatrist convicted of killing 13 people at Fort Hood in 2009, making it the first publicly broadcast military execution in modern American history and, depending on your metrics, the most ambitious Pentagon media project since the aircraft carrier photo op.
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, asked about the decision, said it was a "no brainer," a phrase he delivered with the calm confidence of a man who has never once second-guessed a brunch order, let alone a policy that puts a federal killing on the internet.
Hasan, who was sentenced to death by a military court in 2013, has spent over a decade on death row at Fort Leavenworth while the previous two administrations declined to approve his execution, citing various procedural concerns and, one suspects, a vague institutional discomfort with scheduling a killing and then promoting it. The Trump administration has no such discomfort. The Trump administration has a streaming link.
Hegseth, who previously co-hosted "Fox and Friends Weekend" and is therefore the most qualified person alive to think about camera placement at a federal execution, told reporters the public has a right to witness military justice. He did not specify whether there would be a countdown graphic or a lower-third, but sources familiar with Pentagon branding initiatives say the conversation is "ongoing."
"Accountability. Transparency. Strength," Hegseth said at a press briefing, deploying all three words in sequence the way a man says wifi password when he cannot remember which one it is.
The announcement has been greeted with a range of reactions, most of them strong. Survivors and family members of the Fort Hood victims have long pushed for Hasan's execution, and their position is not difficult to understand. What is slightly harder to understand is the part where the solution to that grief is a government Twitch stream.
Legal scholars have raised questions about the psychological and constitutional implications of broadcasting a state execution, questions that Hegseth has indicated he finds neither interesting nor relevant. Several media organizations have asked whether reporters will receive press credentials. The Pentagon has not yet confirmed whether the execution will be monetized, though several analysts noted that the infrastructure is "basically already there."
Hasan, for his part, has previously said he considers himself a soldier of Allah and has sought to be executed rather than remain imprisoned, which means the Pentagon has found the one scenario where its most dramatic announcement is also, technically, doing the condemned man a favor. The government is nothing if not efficient when it wants to be.
A spokesperson for the Department of Defense confirmed the execution date has not yet been publicly set, but that the livestream platform is being finalized. They described the effort as "a moment of historic accountability."
Pete Hegseth called it a no brainer.
Both of those things are true at the same time.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/pete-hegseth-firing-squad-execution-public-1235640033/