Absurdity
Right-Wing Group Claims Immigrants Are Stealing Jobs Nobody Wants to Do
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The American Sovereignty Employment Council, a nonprofit advocacy group based in a strip mall in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, filed a 340-page federal complaint this week alleging that undocumented immigrants have systematically taken thousands of American jobs that the Council's membership has been not doing for years.
The complaint, titled "They Took What Was Ours To Refuse," identifies 4,200 positions across 14 states, including crawlspace insulation in non-climate-controlled structures, poultry processing at hours described in the filing as "medically inadvisable," and a seasonal role picking up roadkill on a stretch of highway outside Baton Rouge that one plaintiff called "spiritually important to keep open."
"These are American jobs," said Dale Puckett, the Council's executive director, speaking from a folding table in what appeared to be a Quiznos that had recently closed. "And it is the sacred right of every American citizen to decide, on his own terms, that he doesn't want them."
The Council says it became aware of the problem when member Brant Holloway, 44, of Wheeling, West Virginia, drove past a construction site and noticed that someone was actually working there.
"That could've been me not applying for that," Holloway said.
The complaint requests that the federal government immediately suspend all undocumented labor in the affected roles and hold the positions open for American applicants. It does not include any American applicants. Reached for comment, the Labor Department said it had received the filing and placed it in a category the spokesperson described as "active review," which she later clarified means a physical inbox on a desk that no longer has a person sitting at it.
Of the 847 dues-paying members of the American Sovereignty Employment Council, zero have applied for any of the jobs listed in the complaint. Eleven members were directly contacted by employers offering the positions during the period covered by the filing. All eleven declined. One asked if it could be remote.
The Council argues this is beside the point.
"Willingness has nothing to do with ownership," said Puckett. "I don't want to clean a grease trap at three in the morning. But I want someone who looks like me to also not want to clean it. That's the principle."
Among the more contested entries in the filing is Job Listing #2,847, a part-time position at a poultry facility in Springdale, Arkansas, requiring applicants to work a 4 a.m. to noon shift, stand in water for the duration, and sign a waiver acknowledging the existence of the smell. The position has been listed continuously since 2011. The facility has contacted the Council three times asking if any members were interested. The Council's response each time was a letter affirming that the job "belongs to America."
Attorney for the Council, Brad Fenwick, insisted the legal argument is sound.
"We're not saying our clients want these jobs. We're saying they have a vested interest in these jobs remaining unwanted by everyone," Fenwick said. "That is a property right. That is a heritage. That is, frankly, a way of life."
The immigrants currently doing the listed jobs were reached through a translator. Most said they were also surprised the jobs were contested, given the hours and the pay. One man, who has been doing overnight crawlspace insulation in Louisville for six years at $9.50 an hour, said he had assumed the previous worker had simply gone somewhere better.
He assumed correctly.
A hearing date has not been set. The Council says it will continue to monitor job listings it has no intention of pursuing. Puckett says the group is also looking into reports that immigrants may be taking certain undesirable shifts at a fulfillment center in Ohio, adding that he personally toured the facility and described the conditions as 'not for him, but that's not the point.'
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