Culture
SoCal Café Chain Brings Eleven Dollar Oat Milk Lattes To London
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
A Southern California café chain famous for charging eleven dollars for an oat milk latte and sixteen for a "ceremonial grade" matcha has announced it is expanding to London, describing the move in a press release as "bringing intentional nourishment to a city ready to receive it."
London, for its part, has not confirmed it is ready to receive anything.
Sunterra Provisions, headquartered in Santa Monica and operating twenty-three locations across Los Angeles, Orange County, and Scottsdale, will open its first UK outpost in Shoreditch this autumn, with six additional locations planned across Notting Hill, Chelsea, and what the company called "an as-yet-unnamed borough that tested extremely well with our target demographic."
The target demographic is people who spend more on a beverage than their grandparents spent on lunch and feel, on balance, good about it.
Sunterra's UK menu will be "regionally adapted," according to a spokesperson, meaning the chain will offer a "London Fog Earl Grey Latte" at thirteen pounds and will replace the phrase "plant-forward" with "botanically considered," a change the company says better reflects British sensibilities. The rest of the menu, including a cashew cream toast described as "a moment of grounded abundance," remains identical.
The expansion is being led by Chief Experience Architect Dani Holloway, who told investors on a call Wednesday that London "has been starving for this," before clarifying that she meant spiritually, and that the chain's portion sizes remain intentional.
British food critics responded with a speed and unanimity rarely seen outside of wartime.
"They are going to walk into Shoreditch," wrote Nigel Foss in the Evening Standard, "charge thirteen quid for oat milk they have named after a Sanskrit concept, and discover that Londoners have been paying fourteen quid for worse at the place next door since 2019. I am not sure who wins."
Local residents appear divided, largely along lines of whether they have ever described a coffee as "holding space."
"I went to a Sunterra when I was in LA for a work thing," said Marcus Trew, 34, a graphic designer from Hackney. "The barista told me my latte had 'an earthy finish with notes of intention.' I just said thanks. I don't know what I was supposed to say. I still think about it."
"We welcome the competition," said Tabitha Crane, owner of Moth, a Dalston café that charges twelve pounds for a mushroom latte and requires customers to remove their shoes. "But I do think Sunterra should know that our regulars are very protective of the space."
Sunterra itself has not addressed the question of whether its wellness-coded minimalism will translate to a country where the dominant café culture involves a flat white and sitting in silence so profound it constitutes a form of therapy.
A company spokesperson issued a statement saying the chain is "deeply committed to meeting Londoners where they are, and gently inviting them somewhere better."
The Shoreditch location opens October 14. Parking is not available. The company describes this as intentional.
The story we are making fun of: https://nypost.com/2026/09/09/lifestyle/beloved-la-cafe-expanding-to-london-in-2027/