Culture
Teacher Serving 20 Years Is Now Represented by Her Former Students, Who Want Her Out
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
The visiting room at the state women's correctional facility has seen a great many reunions, but staff say they had never seen three former students arrive together with law degrees, matching briefcases and a forty page motion arguing that their old teacher had been, in the words of one of them, "badly underrepresented the first time."
The attorneys, who all passed the bar this spring, told reporters they had chosen their careers in the same year. "Most kids want to be astronauts," said one. "We wanted standing."
Their client, who is twelve years into a twenty year sentence, has reportedly described the team to other inmates as "very prepared, which is new for them." Asked whether any of them had ever handed in homework on time, the three conferred briefly and said that was privileged.
Legal experts were divided. One professor called it "the most extreme case of students trying to get a grade changed in American history." Another said the conflict of interest was so large it had its own zip code.
The state bar association said it was reviewing whether any rule covered the situation, then said it was reviewing whether any rule could. A spokesperson added that the association "does not issue opinions on things that should not exist."
The prosecutor's office declined to comment beyond confirming it had received the motion, read it twice, and needed a minute.
The hearing is set for next month. The team said it expects to win, and that if it does not it will appeal, and that if that fails two of them have already started on second degrees.
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.