Absurdity
State Bans OB-GYNs from Practicing Medicine Without a Senator Present
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
JEFFERSON CITY, MO. The state legislature passed Senate Bill 1247 on Thursday by a vote of 31 to 19, making it the first law in the country to require that a certified state senator be physically present in the examination room before an OB-GYN may administer clinical care of any kind, including prenatal ultrasounds, annual wellness exams, colposcopy procedures, and, per an amendment added at 11:47 p.m. on the final night of session, the removal of an IUD.
The bill's sponsor, Senator Dale Pruett, R-Hatchfield, called it a commonsense oversight measure.
"Doctors have been operating in these rooms without any legislative supervision for decades," Pruett said at a press conference, standing at a podium roughly the same height as his understanding of human anatomy. "That ends now. The people of this state deserve to have a representative in the room."
Pruett confirmed he has not attended a gynecological appointment in any capacity, including as a patient, and added that he did not anticipate that changing.
Under the new law, an OB-GYN who performs a procedure without a senator present faces a fine of up to $10,000, suspension of their medical license, and what the bill describes as "a strongly worded letter from the relevant subcommittee." The law does not specify that the senator must be awake for the duration of the appointment, a detail that Pruett's office called "implied."
The state medical board estimates that there are approximately 340 practicing OB-GYNs in the state and 51 state senators, meaning each senator would be responsible for covering roughly 6.7 doctors at any given time. The board's executive director, Dr. Renata Okafor, noted at a board meeting Wednesday that senators are also expected to be in the Capitol building during session, creating what she described as "a scheduling conflict with no solution that does not involve a senator sprinting through a hospital gown."
Several hospitals have already begun adapting. Mercy Regional Medical Center in Calverton announced it has placed a wingback chair, a brass nameplate, and a small bowl of wrapped mints in each of its fourteen OB-GYN suites. The hospital's chief operating officer said the mints were a goodwill gesture and not a legal requirement, then paused and asked if they should be.
At least one senator, Dale Pruett himself, attended an exam room orientation this week, where he stood in the corner for forty minutes while a physician explained what a speculum is. He nodded throughout. He asked no questions. He described the experience afterward as "eye-opening," which a spokesperson later clarified was not meant literally.
Patients have been less enthusiastic. Donna Streich, 34, of Calverton, said she arrived for a routine prenatal checkup last week to find a senator already seated in the room reading a Bass Pro Shops catalog. "He stood up and shook my hand," she said. "He told me his name twice. He did not leave."
Streich's obstetrician, Dr. Mireille Fontenot, said she completed the appointment under the new protocol but filed a formal complaint with the medical board on the grounds that the senator's presence "introduced a variable not covered by my malpractice insurance."
Senator Pruett's office issued a response stating that legislators are not liable for any outcomes that occur in rooms they are supervising, and that this is also largely true of their regular legislative work.
The law is expected to face a constitutional challenge, with a coalition of medical associations filing suit next month arguing that requiring legislative presence in an exam room violates patient privacy, physician autonomy, and basic spatial logic, given that most exam rooms were designed to hold two people and a blood pressure cuff.
The legislature has already begun drafting a companion bill that would require a senator to be present during pharmaceutical consultations, radiology readings, and any conversation in which a woman is told something she did not ask a man first.
Senator Pruett said he welcomes the legal challenge.
"These doctors think they can just go in there and do medicine," he said. "Not anymore."
He then got into a Chevy Tahoe and drove to a fundraiser, where a cardiologist told him his cholesterol was fine and he did not ask for a second opinion.
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.
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