Absurdity
Ted Nugent Shoots Trophy Buck While Dressed Like A Pediatric Dentist's Waiting Room
By Jeff Garstein, . BSN Network. Satire.
Ted Nugent, the self-described Motor City Madman and America's foremost advocate for the proposition that real men live off the land and do not apologize for it, posted a photo on social media this week of himself beside a large white-tailed buck he had just killed. The buck weighed an estimated 180 pounds. Nugent was wearing camouflage Crocs with no socks.
The photo circulated widely. Comments about the deer accounted for roughly eleven percent of the response. The remaining eighty-nine percent concerned the footwear.
"I have killed seventeen deer in my life and I have never once felt the need to do it in garden clogs," wrote one commenter from rural Ohio, who added that he was not angry, just confused.
Nugent, 76, has argued for decades that hunting represents the purest expression of American self-reliance, a spiritual covenant between man and wilderness that the soft, comfort-seeking majority of the population is too weak and too urbanized to understand. Crocs, for reference, are manufactured in Colorado, retail for around thirty dollars, and are primarily associated with hospital workers, toddlers, and people who have stopped pretending the morning has expectations.
In a follow-up video posted Thursday, Nugent addressed the controversy directly. "The Crocs are comfortable and they drain fast if you step in a creek," he said, wearing a tank top and sitting in what appeared to be a very large recliner. "I'm Ted Nugent. I do what I want. The deer is dead and my feet feel great."
This is, technically, an answer.
Sporting goods retailers noted a brief spike in searches for camouflage Crocs following the post, which represents either a cultural moment or a warning, depending on how attached you are to the idea that hunting culture has standards.
Outdoors writer Dale Prewitt, who covers hunting gear for a regional magazine in Michigan, said the photo raised questions he had not previously thought to ask. "There's a whole philosophy about what you wear into the field," Prewitt said. "Boots, layers, scent control. People spend a thousand dollars on this. Ted Nugent apparently spent twenty-two dollars on footwear and the deer still didn't get away, which is either an argument for minimalism or an argument that the deer wasn't paying close enough attention."
Nugent has not clarified how far he walked, whether the terrain was wet, or whether the Crocs had the optional jibbitz charms attached. These details remain outstanding.
The buck, by all accounts, was genuinely impressive. Twelve points, clean shot, significant body mass. Under normal circumstances this would be the story. These were not normal circumstances.
A representative for Crocs Inc. did not respond to a request for comment, which is the correct decision for a shoe company that did not expect to become involved in a conversation about American masculinity on a Tuesday.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.foxnews.com/outkick-sports/ted-nugent-proves-still-lives-motor-city-madman-moniker-poses-massive-buck