Absurdity
Top College Football Star Terrified NFL Draft Will Slash His Income
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
TUSCALOOSA, AL: University of Alabama running back Davis Mack rushed for 214 yards and three touchdowns in Saturday's season opener, a performance so dominant that NFL scouts were spotted in the stands by the third quarter. By Sunday morning, Mack was inconsolable.
"I just don't see a path forward financially if I get drafted," Mack told reporters gathered outside the athletic complex, wearing a hoodie with the Alabama logo on it that, according to sources familiar with the arrangement, he did not pay for. "I have a family to think about."
Mack, who has not paid for a meal, a flight, a hotel room, a textbook, or a haircut since arriving on campus three years ago, said the prospect of an NFL rookie contract worth between four and forty million dollars was, in his words, "a real step down."
His agent, who is not allowed to be his agent yet but is, could not be reached for comment.
The economics underlying Mack's concern are not entirely without logic, which is somehow the most disturbing part of this story. The NCAA's current framework allows programs to facilitate name, image, and likeness deals through third-party collectives, the result being that a player of Mack's caliber can accumulate compensation that, structured creatively and paid through the right nonprofit, arrives in a form the NFL's rookie wage scale was simply never designed to compete with.
Mack's NIL portfolio reportedly includes a deal with a regional car dealership that gave him a truck, a deal with a supplement company that gave him more supplements than one human being could consume in a lifetime, and a deal with a Tuscaloosa steakhouse described in the contract only as "ongoing consideration."
"Davis worked extremely hard to build a brand that reflects his values and his community," said a spokesperson for the collective believed to be coordinating several of Mack's arrangements. "We are fully committed to his long-term holistic development as a student, an athlete, and a revenue-generating asset."
Mack said he has not ruled out returning for his senior season, citing his love of the game, his loyalty to his teammates, and a separate NIL deal that does not fully vest until April.
His roommate, offensive lineman Trevor Bunn, said the mood in the apartment has been tense.
"He keeps refreshing the draft boards," Bunn said. "Last night he saw himself at number six overall and just sat there staring at the wall. I didn't know what to say. I made him a smoothie."
Bunn paused.
"The blender was also free."
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell released a statement Sunday afternoon calling the situation "a testament to the exciting growth of the college game" and expressing confidence that the league's rookie compensation structure "remains an attractive and competitive opportunity for young men entering the next chapter of their journey."
Mack read the statement, then reportedly went to the dealership to pick up his second truck.
The Heisman Trophy voting opens in November. Mack is currently the favorite, an honor that carries a trophy, a ceremony in New York, and no money whatsoever, which puts it roughly in line with the NFL.
The story we are making fun of: https://babylonbee.com/news/college-football-star-horrified-he-might-be-drafted-and-have-to-take-huge-pay-cut/