Absurdity
Tourists Shocked To Discover Charming Vermont Town Also Racist
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
GRAFTON, Vt. (BSN) -- The foliage this year is, by all accounts, spectacular. Crimson. Amber. A ochre so deep it makes grown adults pull their cars onto the shoulder and weep softly into a flannel scarf they purchased forty minutes ago. It is, everyone agrees, a perfect autumn.
The racism is also quite robust.
Reports began surfacing this week from multiple leaf-peeping excursions across rural New England, in which visitors described the scenery as breathtaking and the hospitality as, in the words of one traveler from Hoboken, 'a lot to process.'
'We stopped at this adorable general store,' said Diane Purcell, 41, still wearing the fleece vest she bought at the store in question. 'They had, like, fourteen types of maple syrup. The woman at the register was incredibly friendly until she heard my husband on the phone with his mother, and then she was not.'
Her husband, Marcus, declined to comment but confirmed the store's cheddar was excellent.
Local officials in at least three townships have issued statements describing the incidents as 'isolated' and 'not reflective of our community's values,' which are the exact words communities use when something is neither isolated nor inconsistent with their values.
The Grafton Chamber of Commerce released a longer statement on Monday emphasizing the town's 'rich history,' its 'commitment to welcoming visitors of all backgrounds,' and the fact that the inn on the hill has a four-star rating and a wood-fired oven. The statement did not address specific incidents. It did include three photographs of a hay bale.
Tourism economists note that New England's fall foliage industry generates an estimated three billion dollars annually, a figure that has historically coexisted without apparent tension alongside the region's other traditions.
'People want the fantasy,' said Dr. Carol Speth, a cultural geographer at a university that asked not to be named. 'The stone walls. The white church steeple. The sense that time has stopped somewhere around 1987. They are sometimes surprised to find out what else stopped around 1987.'
Several returning visitors said they had, in hindsight, noticed 'small signs' they had chosen to overlook in the interest of the weekend.
'There was a moment at the orchard,' said Kevin Tillman, 38, of Brooklyn, pausing to choose his words. 'But the apple cider donuts were unreal. Like, genuinely unreal. So we stayed another hour.'
His wife, Priya, looked at him for a long moment and then looked away.
The state's tourism board confirmed it has no plans to alter its marketing materials, which currently feature a golden retriever on a porch, a woman in a Patagonia vest holding a mug, and the phrase 'Come Find Your Vermont.'
Visitors say they found it.
The story we are making fun of: https://thehardtimes.net/blog/no-shit-this-idyllic-small-towns-dark-secret-is-racism/