BSN Weekly: Red State Outlaws Birth Control, Recommends 'Strong Moral Resolve' Instead
Issue of 19 October 2026
What happened last week.
- Absurdity Red State Outlaws Birth Control, Recommends 'Strong Moral Resolve' Instead
The Tennessee legislature voted this week to ban the sale and distribution of all contraceptive medications and devices, replacing the state's family planning infrastructure with a two-page pamphlet titled 'You Can Do This.' The bill passed 71 to 28, with three representatives abstaining because they had not yet finished reading the pamphlet.
- Absurdity Red State Passes Law Classifying Contraception as Weapons of Mass Disruption
Governor Dale Hutchins of the great state of Tennesota signed HB 1147 into law Thursday morning, officially reclassifying hormonal contraceptives, intrauterine devices, and emergency contraception as Weapons of Mass Disruption under the state's domestic security code. The bill passed the state legislature with broad support after a three-hour floor debate in which the phrase "uterine threat vector" was used eleven times without apparent irony.
- Absurdity Red State Regulates Uteruses More Strictly Than Semi-Automatic Weapons
The Tennessee legislature passed the Reproductive Organ Safety and Accountability Act this week, classifying the uterus as a quote "high-capacity biological system" requiring biannual state inspections, a 14-day waiting period before any reproductive decision, and mandatory liability insurance. The AR-15 used in the bill's press conference demonstration required no such paperwork.
- Absurdity Republican Pundit Warns High Youth Turnout Threatens Traditional Boomer Supremacy
Conservative commentator Dale Hutchins issued an urgent warning Tuesday that surging youth voter participation poses a direct and possibly irreversible threat to what he called "the natural demographic governance structure that has served this country beautifully since 1984." Hutchins, who hosts a podcast called 'Responsible Adulthood' from what appears to be a finished basement in Scottsdale, proposed a Civic Maturity Threshold of 54 as a condition for casting a ballot in any election involving Social Security, Medicare or the volume at which a neighbor may play music.
- Absurdity Republican Think Tank Discovers Renewable Energy Works, Declares It Un-American
The Hargrove Institute for American Prosperity released a 200-page energy study Thursday confirming that solar and wind power are, by every measurable standard, highly effective, which the institute's board described as 'the most troubling finding in our thirty-year history.' The report has since been submitted to Congress with a recommendation that renewable energy be formally designated a national security threat.
- Absurdity Right-Wing Think Tank Finds Voting Rights Act 'Too Effective' at Protecting Voting Rights
The American Heritage Policy Center released a 200-page report Thursday concluding that the Voting Rights Act has, over six decades, become alarmingly good at the one thing it was designed to do. The report, titled 'Restoring Balance: When Civil Rights Legislation Exceeds Its Mandate,' recommends a series of corrective measures to ensure the law is brought back in line with what the authors describe as 'a more sustainable level of voter access.'