Culture
Kevin Sorbo Spends Saturday Refreshing His Own Wikipedia Page In A Bathrobe
By Bruno Von Falken, . BSN Network. Satire.
Kevin Sorbo, the man who spent five seasons convincing syndicated television audiences that a demigod would choose leather trousers as battle armour, has graciously opened his weekend schedule to the public, and the public is invited to sit with what it finds there.
Sorbo rose to global fame in the 1990s as the title character of "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys", a show that aired in 176 countries, made him one of the most-watched men on earth, and, by his own accounting in roughly every interview since 2005, destroyed his Hollywood career completely and without warning or explanation, a mystery he is still actively investigating.
The weekend, as described by Sorbo himself, begins at six in the morning with prayer, which transitions naturally into Twitter, which transitions naturally into a longer Twitter, which he distinguishes from the first Twitter by the word "THREAD" in capital letters.
"I wake up grateful," Sorbo told us, seated in his home office in front of a framed poster of himself that is not from any film currently available to stream anywhere. "Grateful for my family, grateful for my faith, grateful that people are still talking about what they did to me. And they are. I check."
By nine he has posted four times. Two of the four posts concern Hollywood. One concerns Hollywood specifically as it relates to him. The fourth is a photograph of a breakfast that would have been impressive in 1987 and remains, he feels, a statement.
The afternoon is reserved for what Sorbo calls "the project", a film in active development that he is producing, directing, and starring in, and which addresses, in his words, "the things nobody in this town has the courage to address", a list that, upon gentle inquiry, includes wokeness, the algorithm, and the circumstance of a network executive whose name he produces from memory with the speed of a man who has been rehearsing.
He showed us the script. It is 214 pages. The hero is named Kevin.
"People ask me why I keep going," he said, settling deeper into his chair with the energy of a man who has been asked this question by himself many times and has a very good answer ready. "I keep going because Hercules never stopped. He had twelve labours. I've had more than twelve. I counted."
When asked to name them, he named seventeen, several of which were a single casting director presented from multiple angles.
By evening, Sorbo has refreshed his own Wikipedia page a number of times he describes as "checking for accuracy", and has flagged two edits. One concerns the dates of the show's run. The other concerns the word "former".
He does not accept the word "former".
Sunday begins again with prayer. Then Twitter. Then a podcast appearance on a programme whose host opens by calling him a legend, which Sorbo accepts with the quiet dignity of a man who has been waiting since approximately 2001 for someone to say it first.
He is, he confirmed before we left, available for the right project. The leather pants, for what it is worth, were hanging in the hall. They looked ready.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.dailywire.com/news/weekend-plans-with-kevin-sorbo-from-hercules-to-hollywood-outlaw