Politics
Pennsylvania Lawmaker Demands Trump Rename Lake Erie to Lake Pennsylvania
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
HARRISBURG, PA. Pennsylvania state Rep. David Maloney introduced a formal request this week urging President Donald Trump to rename Lake Erie, one of the five Great Lakes, to "Lake Pennsylvania," citing the apparent precedent established by the administration's recent geographic rebranding campaign. Maloney represents parts of Berks and Chester counties, neither of which border the lake in question.
Lake Erie, for those who have not looked at a map since fourth grade, is shared by Pennsylvania, Ohio, New York, Michigan, and Ontario, Canada. Pennsylvania's shoreline accounts for approximately 51 miles of the lake's roughly 800-mile perimeter. This is the basis for the claim.
Maloney's office did not respond to questions about Ohio, but sources close to the representative confirmed he is aware Ohio exists and has chosen to continue anyway.
"This is about recognition," Maloney said in a statement that used the word "Pennsylvania" eleven times in four sentences. "Pennsylvania deserves to have its name on something big. Something wet. Something that people can see from space, or at least from Cleveland, which is a city we don't talk about."
The request follows Trump's executive actions renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America and restoring the name Mount McKinley to Denali, moves that appear to have unlocked something in the brains of state legislators across the country who had previously been content to leave geography alone.
Ohio lawmakers, upon hearing the proposal, issued a joint statement describing Maloney's request as "delusional," which is a strong word for people whose state is literally shaped like a heart someone tried to erase. Michigan has not commented, presumably because Michigan has two separate pieces and has its own problems.
Canada, which controls the northern half of the lake and which was not consulted, said through a foreign affairs spokesperson that it "noted" the proposal, which is Canadian for something unprintable.
The White House has not formally responded to Maloney's request, though a spokesperson indicated the administration is "always open to making America's lakes greater," a sentence that raises several questions nobody is prepared to ask.
Political analysts say the proposal reflects a broader trend of legislators competing for presidential attention through increasingly theatrical geography.
"We are at a point in American civic life where a grown man with a state salary is writing letters about lake names," said Dr. Patricia Wohl, a political scientist at a university that declined to be named in this article. "And the frightening part is that it is working, in the sense that we are all talking about it, which was probably the point."
Maloney has reportedly also floated the idea of renaming Lake Ontario to "Lake Not Our Problem" and Lake Superior to "Lake Erie But Bigger," though his office says those proposals are still in the "exploratory phase."
Residents along Pennsylvania's 51-mile Erie shoreline expressed mixed reactions. Several said they had no opinion. One man named Doug said he was mostly concerned about the walleye population and would like everyone to leave the lake alone. Doug was the most reasonable person interviewed for this story.
The lake itself was unavailable for comment, as it is a lake.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pennsylvania-lawmaker-suggests-trump-should-rename-lake-erie-lake-pennsylvania