Politics
Trump Promises Canada Deal 'Fairly Soon' From Ireland For Some Reason
By Mor Michael, . BSN Network. Satire.
DUBLIN, IRELAND, President Donald Trump told reporters Wednesday that the United States and Canada would "probably" reach a trade deal "fairly soon," making the announcement from the sovereign nation of Ireland, which shares no border with Canada, no ongoing tariff dispute with Canada, and, by most accounts, no particular opinion about Canada one way or the other.
Trump made the remarks during a brief stop in Dublin, where he had traveled for reasons the White House described as "diplomatic in nature" and reporters described as "unclear."
"You'll probably see a deal with Canada fairly soon," Trump said, gesturing at the Irish countryside in a way that suggested the Irish countryside was somehow involved.
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, reached for comment from Ottawa, which is in Canada, said his government remained cautiously optimistic. He did not specify what he was optimistic about. He did specify that he was in Ottawa.
The announcement marks at least the fourth time in recent months that a Canada deal has been described as imminent, soon, very soon, fairly soon, or "closer than people think," a phrase that implies people are thinking about it from a fixed distance, which they are not.
Trade analysts noted that "fairly soon" is doing significant structural work in the sentence. "Fairly soon could mean six days or six months," said one economist at a Washington think tank who asked not to be named because his institution had recently received a federal grant and he had a mortgage. "The word 'fairly' is pulling a lot of weight for an adverb."
Canada, for its part, has spent the better part of 2025 absorbing tariffs on steel, aluminum, automobiles, and goods the administration has described at various points as "a lot of stuff," "tremendous amounts of things," and "you know what they've been doing." The Canadian economy contracted in the first quarter. Canadian officials responded with retaliatory tariffs and a national mood that one Toronto columnist described as "aggressively polite fury."
Trump, to his credit, did not announce the deal from a country currently at war with Canada, which is a lower bar than it sounds but clears it.
Irish Taoiseach Micheal Martin, who met with Trump earlier in the day, confirmed that Canada did not come up during their bilateral discussions, which focused on trade between the US and Ireland, the situation in Ukraine, and what Martin later described in a press release as "a wide range of issues," which is what you say when you need to fill a press release.
When a reporter asked Trump whether Canada had agreed to any of the terms he was alluding to, Trump said the talks were going "very well" and that he had "great relationships" with people on both sides, which is technically a description of having acquaintances rather than a description of a trade negotiation.
A senior White House official later told reporters the president's comments should be understood as "aspirational."
Carney's office issued a one-sentence response: "We look forward to continued discussions."
The statement was twelve words long. Eight of them were filler.
The story we are making fun of: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2026-09-12/trump-says-us-canada-will-probably-reach-a-deal-fairly-soon