Absurdity
Trumps approval rate has hit an all time low but still hasn't been able to reach his moral standards as yet.
By BSN Staff, . BSN Network. Satire.
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A newly released Gallup survey confirmed Monday that President Donald Trump's approval rating has reached its lowest recorded point, a development the White House described as "a speed bump" and political scientists described as "the optimistic number in this story."
The approval rating, which now stands at a figure pollsters say required them to extend the chart downward for the first time since the instrument was invented, is nonetheless tracking several points above what a separate internal White House assessment has quietly labeled the president's Moral Integrity Composite, a proprietary index compiled quarterly by a team of consultants who asked not to be named, employed or associated with this in any way.
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt addressed reporters Tuesday morning, reading from a prepared statement in a voice that suggested she had read it several times to herself first and had not felt better each time.
"The President views the approval number as an early-stage metric," Leavitt said. "He is focused on the long game. The moral standards figure has been declining for significantly longer and has a considerable head start. We remain confident the approval rating will eventually catch up, at which point we will describe that as historic alignment."
Gallup senior analyst Patricia Weem said her team flagged the findings as unusual not because of the approval figure itself, which she called "within the range of things we have modeled," but because of the secondary benchmark it was being compared against.
"We have never been asked to chart an approval rating against an ethical floor before," Weem said. "Structurally it is fine. Emotionally it has been a difficult quarter."
Sources inside the West Wing confirmed that the president was briefed on both numbers Sunday evening and expressed satisfaction that at least one of them was higher than the other. He reportedly asked which one he was supposed to want higher, was told approval, and said he would think about it.
Former ethics office director Walter Shaub, reached by phone, said the comparison was, in his professional opinion, "a sentence I would have told you was unpublishable four years ago, and I was already having a bad four years."
Congressional Republicans reacted to the poll with the particular silence of people who have set a Google alert but have chosen not to open the results.
A spokesperson for the Republican National Committee released a statement saying the party "remains united behind the President's vision," which observers noted did not address the poll, the moral index, or the concept of either.
Gallup says the next survey is scheduled for next quarter. The moral standards assessment has no scheduled floor.
This is satire. The events and quotes are invented and none of it is real news.