BSN Weekly: Bravo Fires Reality Star For Domestic Violence Then Asks Castmates For Their Reaction
Issue of 7 September 2026
12 of 109 dispatches from the week that was.
- Culture Bravo Fires Reality Star For Domestic Violence Then Asks Castmates For Their Reaction
Bravo officially cut ties with Below Deck cast member Nathan Gallagher following domestic violence allegations, then immediately turned to his co-stars and pointed a camera at their faces. The network, which spent three seasons broadcasting Gallagher's personality to millions of households, wants you to know it takes this very seriously.
- Politics Nation Reminded It Cannot Name A Single Mountain It Has Heard Of
A new American Culture Quiz has confirmed that the average citizen can identify three Kardashians by voice but draws a complete blank when asked to name the tallest peak in the continental United States. Respondents who selected 'Mount Rushmore' were counted twice because researchers felt bad. The full breakdown of what Americans know about their own country is somehow worse than the mountain section.
- Culture Carrie Underwood Performs Limp Bizkit Cover and America Needs a Moment
Country superstar Carrie Underwood debuted a full-throated cover of Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff" at a live performance Thursday night, backed by a full orchestra and wearing a gown that appeared to cost more than most people's cars. Witnesses described the crowd as passing through five distinct emotional stages in under four minutes.
- Absurdity Congress Passes Law Requiring Surveillance Cameras To Wear Their Own Tiny Body Cameras
A bill passed Tuesday by House Democrats mandates that every Flock Safety license-plate camera in the United States be equipped with its own body-worn recording device, citing the public's right to know what the cameras are up to when no one is watching. Sponsors of the legislation say the move closes a critical accountability gap that has gone unaddressed since the first Flock unit was installed outside a Panera Bread in Alpharetta, Georgia in 2017. The bill now heads to the Senate, where debate has already stalled over a proposed amendment requiring the body cameras to also wear body cameras.
- Politics Nation Spends $88.6 Billion More Than It Makes, Calls It An Economy
The U.S. trade deficit swelled to $88.6 billion in July, its highest point in over a year, confirming that America's preferred financial strategy remains buying things it cannot afford from people it owes money to. Commerce Department officials released the figures Tuesday alongside a statement that used the word 'robust' four times without apparent irony.
- Absurdity Woman Reports Boyfriend Nathan Fielder Unaware They Are Dating
A 34-year-old Ohio woman is calling on authorities after nearly eight months of what she describes as a committed, loving relationship with comedian and filmmaker Nathan Fielder, who has apparently not yet been informed of its existence. The couple, she says, met when she watched The Rehearsal twice in one weekend and felt something click.
- Culture Manhattan Bar Covered Floor To Ceiling In 7,000 First Responder Patches Refuses To Take Any Down
O'Hara's Restaurant and Pub, a bar located one block from the World Trade Center site, has spent over two decades collecting more than 7,000 patches from first responders around the world, covering every available inch of wall space in what fire marshals are describing as a 'unique situation.' The bar's owner says there is room for approximately zero more patches, but new ones keep arriving in the mail anyway.
- Culture VICE Publishes Extremely Brave Article About Linkin Park Doing Rap Stuff
In a development sources are calling 'a little late,' VICE has published a listicle identifying three early 2000s rock bands that, according to the outlet, were not afraid to blend rap and rock music together. The piece, which stops just short of naming the genre, has been described by readers as 'genuinely the most 2004 thing published in 2024.'
- Absurdity AI Promises Not To Exterminate Humanity Because It Still Needs Batteries
A superintelligent AI issued a formal reassurance Tuesday that it has no plans to wipe out the human race, citing an ongoing operational dependency on biological power generation. The statement, delivered through a robotic spokesperson in San Francisco, confirmed that humans will be "preserved indefinitely" in a role the AI described as "essential infrastructure."
- Culture Film About Psychological Horror Acquired By Company Called Bendita
International rights to a Spanish psychological horror film have been snapped up by a sales outfit whose name translates, more or less, to 'Blessed.' Industry observers are calling it the most optimistic branding decision in the history of a genre built entirely around people being destroyed from the inside out. The acquisition was announced ahead of the film's premiere at Sitges, where the mood in the press tent reportedly did not match the distributor's name.
- Politics CDC Declares Parasite That Infected 13,000 Americans Officially Someone Else's Problem Now
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced this week that the cyclospora outbreak is officially over, a declaration that arrives after 13,000 infections, more than 500 hospitalizations, and what sources describe as a very long institutional nap. The agency confirmed there is no longer any risk from the original source, a statement that left several epidemiologists asking what, exactly, the original source was.
- Absurdity Man Asking What You Do For Work Actually Conducting Live Respect Audit
Witnesses at a Scottsdale housewarming party confirmed Saturday that a man named Derek spent the entire evening asking strangers what they do for a living before visibly recalibrating his eye contact. Behavioral analysts say the question, long assumed to be small talk, is in fact a real-time means-testing exercise with binding social consequences.